Stargazer Street Turn Right

Special Blogsode: Love is in the Air

2012-02-12T19:09:00.000-08:00

So is the love month is starting to get in everybody's nerve? I'm not it happens that everyone is making a fuss about it. I bet you have plans for the valentines? If you are single and there's no one to go out with, remember we still have our families and friends who we can go out with. Remember Valentines day is not just for couples it is an acknowledgement that we have people that we love and people who loved as back to recognize.And the most important thing to remember as will is the Love from our God never forget to greet and thank Him for all the good thing He has done for us.
Do I have a date? Yes! I have a date with my partner, but we will do it in skype 'cos he is in Australia and I'm here in Philippines. But distance is not the factor we both invited to celebrate our first Valentines, we will do it out of the ordinary. Aside from that I'm planning to go out with friends and family so that everyone is happy and complete celebrating the "I LOVE THEM day".

So don't sulk in the sofa, or cover your face with the pillow make something out of the box. Bake chocolates, buy small gifts or thank you gifts and more give them to the people special to you, smile and Have a happy heart's month! ;)

Wednesday Fever

2012-02-08T06:17:00.000-08:00

Hello mate! I actually love the music now Time Forgets by Yiruma. Actually it helps me a lot to pour thoughts here in my blog its a Wednesday fever I have and I don't want to be sad or anything since February is a good month to celebrate the love, I guess the world is evolving into a heart shape now. Really! I'm not sad it's just that the feelings we have on day to day basis is always different and I think most of the people they might be happy that they manage to get through the day, others are pissed because it didn't went well. Here I am drinking a nice hot cup of coffee and just trying to relax myself, clearing my mind to today's conflict and adversity.

So how's the day anyway? The Lord bless me a good sun, an air to breathe, food to eat, love from the people who loves me, got a bad mood to the people who bump you and ruin the first day, beautiful trees and flowers for my sight and it ends wonderfully made by God. Everything is according to the way He wants to move the world, except US who have our own free will. I thank Him for this wednesday fever because it was good, except to the part I need to get fit so I might actually go back to the gym and hit the sandbag, put all my anger in it everyday, 2 hours a day for 5 days a week. It's not a bad idea to get healthy and desire a nice lean body. ;)

I'm trying to make this blog as happy as it could be even my emotion contradicts it, because I don't want to be sad and I believe my God doesn't want me mopping around or else bad dreams will slither again and it's a good thing so when I go to sleep I won't be thinking of anything but the good day, the learning, everything that God blessed me. Thought my feet hurts from high hills still I nailed and I walk very womanly. I'm happy to succeed in it.

Are you happy for this day? I'm sure you are. Did you succeed in anything? If not don't stop trying, it's not a bad thing to go for it or start again, or do something out of the box idea. It's a matter of how will you face it and your approach to it. Smile you are wonderful. This is the end of it have a happy weekdays. I'm sure there will be a lot of story to share.

Vegetable Soup: A Happy-Gloomy Mundane 2

2012-02-05T23:31:00.000-08:00

It was always a good feeling, but inside there's always longing and need for comfort. Every morning I always want it to be different, different from any other days I've got even if I got nightmares I always think it will always be good than any other. When I go out and see people they'll ask me "How are you?" I will always say "I'm fine. I'll be alright." You know it's not a lie, because I will always try to say that through out the day. Give the best smile I can give; the fact that I am alive and get to see the happenings of even today is not much to be sad about. I always love to say that all things are good and will always be even though inside your starting to feel this emptiness that you want to get rid off, one smile will be fine and you can cover it up with so many things.

This day it wasn't bad, it was kinda good adventure for me it's a great blessing to see the sun rose high up in the sky and see it goes down and hide behind the clouds. It was always faster than it is. I so love to write something and then listening to Mr. Yiruma's Piano list very accommodating to the soul and I can even think a lot of stuff in my head that I just want to let it all out. Yet, my heart was always affected making me all emotional and can't think of a way to be happy.

It seems that my eyes can't cry a river again, it's okay to ignore a lot of things in my life I don't know its okay to be just like this. I hope tomorrow it'll be different again and let myself put a smile in my face. This is my happy-gloomy mundane Monday. I wish I have more better ideas and story to tell. Good one for me!

Blogsode Special: The Story of Us

2012-01-18T14:42:00.000-08:00

We've met in such a very distinct timing. It might be a story just like every one else or it might happen like in a movie. But our story is one of my favorite to tell. For me it is the sweetest event of my life on on how it happen and how we got together. They say when you saw your other half time seems to stop for a second and for me it's like that. To meet someone like him is a blessing and you can tell once you get to know the person.

They say when you meet the love of your life, time stops. And that's true. What they don't tell you, is that once time starts again, it moves extra fast to catch up.~ Edward Bloom

It was an ordinary night working in a cafe. I was working at the kitchen since there's other customer to serve when he came in. It seems wind blew and that the time just suddenly so slow while he was walking I don't want to get bother by that since he is just one cutie. I'm the second one to serve him as my master and I thought he is a Korean so I talk to him in english, but he can understand tagalog too (silly me!). Took his order and cook it for him. I never thought that's the start of our story love ride and a relationship I've never expected. But who knows he might be just someone passing by to have an experience in a maid cafe. God truly works in mysterious ways especially when it comes to love and I believe He is one of the best author of it. Got his name and anothe day went by, he visit the cafe again and we manage to get our numbers (even its forbidden). So the story goes on he is not literally from here, he's just having a nice vacation and currently lives in Australia. That week was almost his last since he's going back home. Sad to hear from my side, but he asked me out and its an open to get to know the person. Long distance relationship is really hard so a lot of people make a fuss about it, yet we can't judge of people who are capable to manage a relationship LDR or not.

We started as friends and so we went on a date a day before he leaves the Philippines I manage to know a little bit about him and thank God he is a Christian just like me. I was happy that he got to know me and that he is interested to someone like. Even we're friends we both decided to pray for each other and see where God can lead us in the process. He called every time and we go skype as well. We manage to pulled it off so I fall in love with him and I he has the right to know and it goes the same to him. We both feel that we're ready for the relationship. He is willing to sacrifice the skinship even we're far we just want to love and take care each other and more. He asked this question, "Do you want to spend a life term covenant with me?" I stop for a second because it's a total surprise attack so I ask if I can have a day to think, not because of the question is too much inside me its a total YES but because I want to tell my mother about it and that I want to approach her first before saying YES. She gave few advices and a go signal if I really love him despite of the distance. So it's good when I managed to talk to him I asked him to ask the question and just said YES!!! happily.

for 8 months we've waited till we see each other again. We prayed for it and last December God answered that prayer. When I saw him I just run to him and hug him really tight and all I can hear from him is "I love you..." Everyday our relationship grow stronger, we try to understand each other, we always pray for each other, we help if one falter and I know it won't just end in that. We both want to make time really precious that we can make more memories and to be with each other again one of our goal. And I want to share this line from the movie Forces of Nature:

I always thought that there was this one perfect person for everybody in the world, you know, and when you found that person the rest of the world kind of magically faded away, and, you know, the two of you would just be inside this kind of protective bubble, but there is no bubble, I mean if there is you have to make it, I just think life is more than a series of moments, you know, we can make choices, and we can choose to protect the people we love, and that’s what makes us who we are and those are the real memories.

Vegetable Soup For Tuesday

2012-01-16T21:14:00.000-08:00

A Special weekday blog: That Moment

How love has changed you? How it affects your way of life and how did it turn your world? It sounds like magical, a fairy tail story like. But how it change us through time? It's romantic like every one says. While I was observing people around me especially the ones with their partners it never missed to amaze me seeing them take good care of their other half. Seeing them flutter, the way they smile, the way they touch their hands or the man carefully caress the woman's face and see him how he express those three sweet words, it was always full of love. When you see old couple it is much more wonderful and heart-warming to see them walk in the street hand-in-hand. I want to be like that to grow old with my partner that our love won't change, but rather grow with it through time.

Love? It will always be amazing! The ability to change for that person is always constant because we love them, you love him or her.

I'm writing this blog to express my gratitude to my partner even we are in a long distance relationship we both fall in love with each other everyday. I cherish him each and everyday that I always long for him. He is an awesome guy and to be with him is one of my prayers. I love him so dearly that I want to take good care of him for the rest of my life. I can change beyond what I am right now, not for the worst but for the better.

We should not look at it as one sided or unrequited love. To love is to give, to love is one of our main function and we should be happy that we can feel that not only to our partner but also to people that we cared about. It was always a good thing to love and be loved in return. It sounds foolish yet man cannot live alone in this world. It's a tragedy to die alone. Everyone in this world always long for someone, that soul mate, other half or whatever term you can put that into. Just to feel that safe and security in someone's arm. To feel that fluttery and mushy inside, that your time stop with them.

When you look into their eyes you see nothing but beauty and that you want to spend every single day of your life with that someone.

So how love has changed you?

Blogsode Special: Nothing Better Lyrics

2011-10-03T19:35:00.000-07:00

It always appeared before me
Your face, I remember
My heart that stopped short
You spitefully took my disfunctional heart
And with your bright smile
That's how you easily opened my heart

It's true, that is how I became your man
All my unpleasant memories, I no longer recall
Because the hand that holds me tight
is as warm as spring

And now like a dream my heart
has gradually stopped by your side
Without awakening for a single moment,
I dream an endless dream

And now like breathing,
if you were to always rest by my side
if you were to always remain this way
nothing better nothing better than you
nothing better nothing better than you

And now like a dream, My heart
in your embrace, is held still
Without awakening for a single moment,
I dream an endless dream

And now like breathing,
if you were to always rest by my side
if you were to always remain this way
nothing better nothing better than you
nothing better nothing better than you

nothing better nothing better than you

Nothing Better by Brown Eyed Soul

Vegetable Soup: Saturday Love Lounge

2011-09-23T18:02:00.000-07:00

Love Lounge: What do you want it comes to Relationship? By Melissa Blake

The link got my attention while I'm browsing my dashboard for something to read, Melissa Blake share her thoughts about what kind of relationship she wants and a partner to be with. When she was young she made a list of the man she wants to be with; traits of her future boyfriends must possess and come to think of it when I was young I used to have those as well, like I have my list. I attended TLW seminars and been there 3 times way back my highschool days. It seems fun and you can't miss things out about your future love life. There's a part there that you must write down the must-have and should-have of your future partner, you'll write a letter for him entitled: To My Future Husband and pray to God every single bit of that person (You don't know who...) that comes to your mind. I guess it's not a bad thing at least your setting your standard and be prepared when you actually meet one. It is not exactly you follow that list 'cos we don't want to be disappointed, I don't want to be disappointed. But God knows who will be the best partner for you or for me, I just have to wait patiently.

Moving on, I was thinking about my previous relationship and it all went down to the drain, because it is not what God wants for me. I'm just being stubborn and He let me experience that so I will learn from it. I have my fantasies, but I need to woke up and see the larger picture of reality. I was young I never know what I want yet I want to have a secure future, a happy love-life, someone who is caring and can make me laugh. To grow and become a better person. Those traits I want, well some of it are important and some are not. So, How can I know that this person is the one for me? Then one of my church friend shared this (She and her partner is an example of TLW relationship. Both attended a different seminar and manage to give their letters during their honeymoon.) a partner should-have and really-must-have these 3 things: He must be a Lover, Leader & Provider. The summary of what I want to love and be with in the future. I stick to that context and prayed for it ever since.

and Melissa Blake said:

I may not know all that much about love yet, but I do know three things:

*I know the fantasy is never going to live up to reality. That's just life, plain and simple.
*I know that life and love don't come with scripts. Things don't always work out the way you had them planned in your head.
*I know that anyone who says that they've never created the perfect fantasy in their heads is lying.

She is right! I might have fantasies swirling in my head, but I know God is better maker and author of romantic stories. I never lose hope of being with the person I want to travel on life's journey with - white horse or no white horse. That's why I was so glad when I met Carlo. He is a great blessing that I'm always swift off my feet to those simple things he do for me. I continually pray for this person who always makes me laugh, happy and feel loved. We both continue glorifying God for I met such a wonderful creature. I love him and since the moment I saw him I said I want to be with this person, Him to be my lover, leader and provider. It is the joy that my heart can't measure.

So, How bout you?

Blogsode: Brighther Than Sunshine

2011-09-09T03:43:00.000-07:00

I see the glimmer of light at the spider's web, it glows with colors and hits my eyes with beauty. I just gaze upon it. I lay myself quietly on a swing, waiting for the sun peek its ambient light to the world. I said, "Beautiful" and the old lady started to burn some woods and as the smoke rises above the sky I see the fading rays of the sun and all I thought it was always astonishing such image. For the trees and the leaves they rejoice by meeting the new day with delight. I woke early than expected, if I didn't I won't be able to see God's miracle of a day. I lay there .. waiting...

you make my heart glow from the inside and it show with a smile on my face...

Can't sleep anymore, but I want to dream more. I am troubled, now my soul is at peace just by witnessing such wonder with these eyes I can see God's creation beyond measure. I stare upon the rays of light and felt warm when it touches my face. Everything is really good and all I can say it will be a good day. I smile...

Vegetable Soup: Something To Write About

2011-09-07T21:49:00.000-07:00

I was so inspired by people's blog, I love to read on how they speak their minds out and they manage to make their feelings talk. I was quite down the past days that I can't write a blog and need a little repair for my feelings I have so no ideas to input, no stories to tell. I little bit of disappoint for myself, but hey! I got something out of it. I will try to make more stories and will continue to write a letter to my partner. But, I'll skip the sweet part for later and make my vegetable soup first.

Good to see a new face of blogspot so I have to make a few adjustment and make sure that I'm taking good care of my blogs. I was about to tell and revise my old post from before or make a new one out of it. I was so happy to see a blog of old people holding hands thanks to Melissa Blake I remember my first blog about the love of old people couples or me when I get old. They are the best and that's an inspiration, a motivation!

So what about the blog today? Nothing that much. I was at home and I'm boring myself out reading mangas and listening to music and then it pops to my head why not right a blog again. The title is just something to motivate me to write and the emotions are quite intact it makes me keep going and going and going. If I'm going to share something today its about the failures I have...

To be Continued...

Vegetable Soup: A Happy-Gloomy Mundane

2011-08-28T16:37:00.000-07:00

Monday Fever! It's my rest day. Are we having a nice Monday so far? If you manage to wake up come and think of this... You are blessed by another day in your life! I miss blogging and it seems I will have time doing this, more updates and I'll manage to tell more stories. Today I'll make something out of my mind and just form it according to what I see every day in my life. The difference of people's lives... I want to run-away and never look back. I want to walk, a long walk where my heart will find peace, any where will do. I need it, I don't want to feel the loneliness...

I NEED A TIME-OFF!!!!!

The past days aren't the same as I knew it would be. I'm trying to make things or do things in my way that I shouldn't, it's beyond my comprehension! Everything seems pushing me to the limits. I can't or I can barely move. Is it just me? or I'm just having issue? There's this fear in my heart that I shouldn't trust, my mind goes in a separate way from what my heart says and they don't get a long well. I'm trying to make amends and it feels that inside of me are so empty. I'm being crushed inside and I'm trying to get a hold of it.

'This is not always about me!' that keeps ringing in my head like I'm being hammered. I knew that! Someday, there's going to be a lot of people will tell that to me. Maybe because I'm not what they're expecting. It should not be always about me... I know... I just need care and to feel that even through my worst I am accepted. I've under go a lot of bad times, I always stumble and fall, I was being judged, the left alone thing is not an issue anymore. It happens all the time and I don't know if they really accept the ME from the first part to the in-between and if it will last and that's good.

Now... I'm being block! I'm trying to put nice words but the I and the ME part, I'm avoiding it. I should start thinking about others and care to listen, I remember someone told me I'm heartless, cruel, cold like ice. I'm not like that... but there are points that I can't help it. God knows, and I felt bad that I'm not letting Him handle things, that I should be dependent on Him. I think its okay to be sad and cry, its okay to let it all out and shout it out to the world. I'm suffering and still there's smile on my face only few people can see that, only few people can feel that I'm having a hard time. Probably, I'll burst into tears if someone will look me in the eye and says, "It's okay... Stop that half-ass smile of yours and let me give you a hug. Let it all out. I'm here.. I'm not going to leave.. there there.."

I never really show who I am, I'm scared. But, it always go out without me knowing it. The wrecked part of me is in total damage, I'm falling into pieces, scattered and broken. But, in my state I always pray even though I know it can't be renew, still I know it can be healed in time. I don't know what to say anymore and I don't know where to start. I guess I'm back to square one... or I'll start on my bended knees and pray...

"it's just me and you mr. snowman.."

Vegetable Soup: A Cup of Sweet Story

2011-08-27T14:40:00.000-07:00

If it weren't for the two cups of coffee, a nice soothing music background and a good feeling I won't be able to write a blog that is something sweet. but HEY! I got one. This is time its not a letter for him its a pure blog update for my vegetable soup blogsode. I've been hoping to create one, but chances are limited and my mind doesn't work that well, so far I'm almost have it done. I like how it will goes, 'cos it's not the mind that talks its my heart. :)

I made a few letters for the guy I love. Here's are some example:

Dear Carlosz,
Hubby, everyday we live is a blessing from the all mighty, but most of all its a blessing because i get to see our love grow...We live in a world filled with hurt, filled with decayed minds, its everywhere but darling, you and i are survivors, we can change the world you and I. Its the world against us and no matter what, I will always be by your side till the end. We went through trials and tribulations that get us to this moment, hubby i just wanted 2 say i love you, and remember this....you mean more than to me, you're my dream.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the love you give me, it heals me and comforts me, it keeps me and settles me
I sometimes don't believe that I deserve nor that you would want to give it to me, like before, it was like you knew i felt doubt that it is true, or that your love really is being given freely to me or that it can last - and you do something to remind me that your intentions are true.. that your love can be mine. those words were beautiful and they made me happy
you reminding me everyday and you came at such a precise moment as if you knew. I do love you and want us so much... and you reminded me of how much you share with me that same goal.
so thank you, I appreciate you, I love you.
I'll always be here...just 4 you.

Ivy Valverde

I treat him not only as my partner, but also as a friend. We enjoy the company of each other and that gives smile to my face. He's been always great in so many ways, though there are times that we have few down falls and it seems like there's no ending. Still, we manage to make it up for it. It's not easy being in a long distance relationship and I tell you this is my first time and I'm handling it with care. As I was saying, I sent letters to him if I have the chance. This is the way I want him to feel the love from a distance. I can't hold him during his difficult times, nor comfort him in his darkest hours or even jump in joy when there's good news... still I try my best to give him every possible love (All emotions goes with it, I won't elaborate anymore) I can give. It might be not enough or it might be too much, I don't know as long as I see the smile in his face, I'm happy.

I've fallen to different guys in my life and I thought they are THE ONE, nor say that I want them to be the one for me. But, I ended up wrong and get hurt badly imagine in so many times. I guess you guys will agree that we don't want to get hurt anymore and always say this "I won't fall any more", "I'm okay, I'll be numb to it." and so on, well that's the thing we can't stop that and I guess we are blessed that we can manage to love infinitely, may not be only to the same person but to others as well (e.g. friends, family, best friends..,). So I was happy I learned and accept, its going to be complicated however, it will always be alright 'cos you know how to get over with it. its not the end of the world! We want to have a relationship 'cos we don't want to get old alone, or we enter relationship cos we want to build our own family. It's a recycle and it's been happening in so many million years ago.

You see! It was good seeing other people being lovey-dovey to each other and you just smile cos you see them in that way even its kinda corny, but for me I like watching them (I don't envy them, I'm just observing how the world go around). I'll experience that in a not very far future, I'm still waiting and I know it will always be the best. God has its own way of creating a nice, good love story. It is something you can share to others and it might give them hope and have that idea "Hey! God will never ever leave me alone" Just like what He did to Adam, he blessed him with a partner Eve 'cos He saw him sad and can't be alone. Everyone knows that if not then I'm telling you LOVE & COMPASSION everything was created first before we're created. I mean those feelings already exist before we came to this earth and get the chance to experience that to ourselves. How lovely!

Meeting Carlos is different story more likely a new chapter in my difficult, crazy life and its like in a speed of lighting. I will not elaborate more cos I want to keep it low. We're good and growing, he maybe far but I'm sure his heart beat next to mine... :)

I wish this blog said what I was trying to say it's not that much but I love sweetness and I love my hubby. Thank God for him. ♥

Anel's closet pictures

Dear Carlos #4

2011-08-11T04:37:00.000-07:00

We do have things in common, but I love the fact that we are totally different. I love everything about us that even we fight it always end up well. 'Cos it makes us stronger and make our love more deeper. Our situation is different from others and that's the good thing about it. I love how you love me and everyday I'm so blessed to wake up that I am loved not only by you, but also with God, family and friends. What can I ask more? This simple joys you're giving is what I need even before I met you. Thank you. And the words of Melissa Blake inspired me to post it in here so that you'll know what I feel for you. I love you.

I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about you again

My heart fell asleep at the wheel and crashed head-first into you

You're all around me, all this rubble and wreckage

But out of the smoke, your face, it's still such a beautiful view

It's so easy to forget everything when I'm with you
And maybe being sensible is the last thing I want to do
Be who I am, that's what you said to me
I'm not ashamed to say I may have fallen in love with you then
You give me an answer before I even ask the question
'Cause when I'm with you, I feel it, that indescribable, beautiful, head-over-heels, impossible, my heart's racing, unstoppable, wonderful fantasy

I could leave and easily walk away
And maybe I should
If only I wasn't so sure
That every time you smile, with each word you say
It makes me want you even more

It's so easy to forget everything when I'm with you
And maybe being sensible is the last thing I want to do
Be who I am, that's what you said to me
I'm not ashamed to say I may have fallen in love with you then
You give me an answer before I even ask the question
'Cause when I'm with you, I feel it, that indescribable, beautiful, head-over-heels, impossible, my heart's racing, unstoppable, wonderful fantasy

So who cares if I'm sleeping?
Just let me live forever dreaming
I've never felt this way before
How is it that you make me feel so secure?

It's so easy to forget everything when I'm with you
And maybe being sensible is the last thing I want to do
Be who I am, that's what you said to me
I'm not ashamed to say I may have fallen in love with you then
You give me an answer before I even ask the question
'Cause when I'm with you, I feel it, that indescribable, beautiful, head-over-heels, impossible, my heart's racing, unstoppable, wonderful fantasy

It's so easy to forget everything when I'm with you
And maybe being sensible is the last thing I want to do
Be who I am, that's what you said to me
I'm not ashamed to say I may have fallen in love with you then
You give me an answer before I even ask the question
'Cause when I'm with you, I feel it, that indescribable, beautiful, head-over-heels, impossible, my heart's racing, unstoppable, wonderful fantasy

It's so easy to forget everything when I'm with you
That's why every time I close my eyes, I'll always see that beautiful view

So about what I said..

Dear Carlos #3

2011-07-26T11:16:00.000-07:00

Dear Carlosz,

I sit here after our conversation, upset that I didn't express to you how I felt. That I didn't manage to explain myself why I stopped. I want you to know that I never meant to hurt you, even though it may seem that way sometimes. I know that I hurt you when I changed my mind about it. I never meant for you to feel that way. I thought of you at the moment I cut the line, wishing you were by my side. I stared blankly at the monitor and decided to write a letter. I pray as the dawn of day breaks that it'll be fine now between the both of us, that things are okay. That we will put a period on it and moved one, but I'm sure you'll never forget what happened tonight. I accept everything you've told me, 'cause if you see that I am like that I accept. I never meant to hurt you or leave you hanging I know its the worst thing I did, but don't push me away, don't treat me like i'm one of the people who hurt you. I'm with you, I'm not an enemy. Please...

I am sorry. You mean the world to me. I am always so lonely when there are long periods of time between the times we speak. I always find myself trying to keep busy because if I sit still for too long, my heart begins to ache and I feel your absence. At night, I make believe that you are beside me, caressing me, holding me, loving me. I want to feel you inside me. I've longed for that day for so long. I adore you and, even though I have not looked into your beautiful eyes or tasted your soft lips, I know that, in doing so, it would exceed all of my expectations.

We sit impatiently on the brink of satisfaction and it is so hard to imagine how soon our solo journeys we took to reach each other will turn into a new journey that we will begin together. I know that our love can outlast time. My love for you is not of this world. It goes beyond all human knowledge. I think that is why we can be so confused by love, but sometimes it is good to not know what to expect. That is the hidden beauty of love.

Darling, I love you with all of my heart and all of my soul and I have no regrets for falling in love with you, even being able to feel the magnitude of this love for a second, would have lasted a lifetime for me because it's so strong. I am elated to have fallen in love with such an intelligent, wonderful and loving man, a man who loves me for even my countless flaws.

Love always,
Ivy

Dear Carlos #2

2011-07-25T09:44:00.000-07:00

This week has been always great for us. Though there are times we fight and argue, still we manage to pull it off and make peace with each other, we end up growing and making it up by accepting and learning from that. I wonder why we're always in a positive side even though we fall into our emo days?

I know we're trying to keep the distance shorter by keeping in touch thru modern technology, yet we still missed a lot of things by being together. But, we both know there's always a reason and purpose in everything. At the end of this road for sure we're going to be in each other's arms. I'm always praying for that and that is what my heart shouting. TO BE WITH YOU! I know in time it'll come. Whether far or soon I'll be right here to hold on.

I just want to say sorry if there are times that I'm not in the mood and easily angered, if I raise my voice or talk nonsense, I just pray you don't get tired with me being like that. You know the meaning of it. I'm not pushing you away I just want to feel that you want me and that you accept all my flaws. I'm so thankful, 'cause you're open and honest. Trying your best to deal with me and help me fix myself up. God knows what our needs and he never fails to give what's best for us, He just want to hang on to what we have and grow from it. Everytime I think about the first time we met I can't help but to remember every bit of it (maybe not all), but I just want to see how we end from being a partner. It's a great story to tell, there are some people who always say that long distance relationship is really difficult to handle. I just ignore it 'cause I'll grow from this, my heart said "give it a try" and I did. This is something that you and I need. Something new for a change.

I love you.

"I like you
Hubby you don't got nothing to prove to me
I know that times have been rough
For the both of us

But I'll pray for a change

You see this world has lots to offer
But in time it will go dark,
And if this love is what we see it is
I'm sure we will go far
And with a man as sweet as you
There's not much else I can do
But fall for you..."

Dear Carlos # 1

2011-07-15T08:25:00.000-07:00

I just saw this picture from another blog and I was amaze about the simplicity of it yet it gave such impact. You and I both... Alive? Happy? Inlove? Blessed? Inspired? hmm... There's a lot of things that I can put unto it and I want it to be happy thoughts and feelings; you can try it. I guess you know the movie Peter Pan? To fly you must think happy thoughts disregard the sadness, the pain, the sorrow and you will be light like a feather.

I wish I can manage to tell you more great things and I know it will come soon and I was eager to hear yours as well. How I want to share you a lot of stories and how I want us to know each other more. To know the deeper You and the deeper Me. I'm really happy 'cos we're growing and learning from God. Let's continue walking in the spirit led by Jesus Christ so that we will have the fruits from Galatians 5:22-23.

I hope you had a great day; mine is tiring as always but it was all good.

I love you. I miss you.

Love,
Ivy

http://melissabxoxo.blogspot.com

Vegetable Soup for Monday

2011-06-27T05:37:00.000-07:00

Hia! It's me again, I'm back. Quite a month for me I miss blogging and I know missed a lot for me to tell. Busy working, and I have no computer though I tried to write it, but I'm lazy to grab a pen and paper and another thing if I have time. Funny though its hard to give time.

Had a nice week due to my flu and sore eyes I have to go back to Cavite to have week rest, cause I can't afford to infect my masters and my other colleagues.

Now this is my last day and tomorrow I'll be back to work again. Good luck on me! Hoo-ah!

Blogsode: 09.09.08

2011-06-25T06:28:00.000-07:00

What is this that I feel inside? Confuse both heart and mind. I can say I am empty and like everything on me is scattered. I can feel the pain in every beat of my heart. I am frustrated and don't know what to do. I feel the want to cry but on what reason and basis? Am I really getting bored? Life... The life I have here in this world is a momentarily complicated to such crisis at times I can't bear and not even mine to take. I can't sleep, I always think a lot of stuff in my head; everyday it keeps pushing and pushing me. I am hurt, even I tried to hide it I can't lie that I really am bound by what happened last June 18, 2008. I would be happy if that case would be solve in just a snap. But, it doesn't! So I ask when it will end? I am transparent in the eyes of the Lord and He knows ahead of me. I am writing because I want to tell what I feel.

For my entire life some events I experience is not as worst like others. First great trial I have when I was a baby, Second is being in he hands of two entity doing their dark deeds. Third, jumping into different relationships. Fourth, my lies and mortal sins. Fifth, crawling under the sheets of Lust. Sixth, being pressure by my Christian faith/life. Seventh, I suffer from the pain of betrayal, left alone and busted by him. Eight, getting bored with my life. Ninth, I want to be save from all of it. I don't understand this me. I know Jesus bore my sin and death and I want to do my part without all of these stupidity in me. I'm struggling, I aim unto something but do I really have that strong faith? Do i or Am I having a complicated relationship with God? The reason why I treat life like this. I know I disobey Him a lot and I want to know that He is angry and want to discipline me from my mistakes. I want to feel his Love and care for me, everything!

Every time there's something to know or need to learn on a situation and event I shut myself up and get blank then I'll try to fake it and tell others that I learn something, but inside I'm not. I don't speak my mind that clearly so I'm having a hard time.

This is my greatest confession, my frustration and suffering. By the looks of it I am rotten inside, breaking bits by bits.

Dated back: September 09, 2008

Picture by: Melissa Blake @ If Only Blog

Wednesday Fever: Get A Life

2011-04-19T23:15:00.000-07:00

So, I'm kinda enjoying my mini vacation event; just started today. I'm excited to get back here in Cavite for a three day vacation, a total escapade from my work as a maid. Quite fun though, I miss my masters and I enjoy being with my workmates slash friends. But this? This right now on the couch in front of my lovely desktop, having a nice food like marshmallow and donuts, drinking my favorite coffee, chatting with my friends, having a nice, sweet talk to my other half, movie marathon. That my friend is a slice of heaven. I can do this like forever. However, this is for 3 days only, a 3 days happiness. I won't complain about it because I barely do this due to work and I'm thanking the great event of Holy Week. It's a chance to be with God; to remember His ultimate sacrifice for all humanity. That's what love is. And I can be with my family as well. I miss them so much.

I'm on the bus.
I'm asleep.
Drifting away from reality...

I'm almost home...

Life might get tough on you, but that doesn't mean you can't be tougher than that. What I'm trying to say is that this blog is not just an update of my crazy Wednesday; I want to share a 'lil advice I learn today. Sharing it is good. Quite true as well, don't let things get on your way just because you're weak. That's totally hilarious. You can surpass things, just start on baby steps.

I feel happy and fine that I manage to do this for again. I little positive input for me, since I need to relax. I'll be cooking some nice, tasty tempura for the pack and I'm excited. I guess that's for today's blog

This is a Time for myself... ♥♥♥

Vegetable Soup For Monday

2011-03-28T07:44:00.000-07:00

Hello there! The blogger is back. I finished another week again and here I am to share something out of this world story of my day.

Just got out from my shift and while I was walking in front of Rublou Market, I'm thinking or I'm starting to form some words in my head, thoughts, things to type down in my blogspot. I'm trying to sort them out so that I won't forget that my day really ends so great. Aside that I'm freaking tired and hungry that I just ignore that, because I'm on a diet. ^_^ But the first thing comes to my mind was my special someone. I was thinking how much I miss him and how much I want to cheer him up every time he is down and tired. I wasn't able to response to his needs for today 'cos I'm all out. Good thing we have free WIFI that I'm able to send a message to him through FB. The happiest part is? I've got a text from him and we able to talk for a bit through that as well. I'm happy that's the thing, it made my day so good. I miss him so much that all I can do is to send my care and love through social networks, text and emails. You'll try it in every way you can just to make them feel that they are not forgotten; and that for me I never missed a day thinking if he is okay, if he also thinks of me, etcs. Same goes with my family. I'm kinda excited coming back to Cavite and spend my Wednesday with them.

My happy eggs and veggies! Thanks for tuning in today on my Vegetable Soup Blogsode I'll try to continue this tomorrow.

Moments of Distance

2011-03-23T14:59:00.000-07:00

I'm a fan of nonnetta's work so I decided to make a blog and share what she thinks about life and love together with her artworks. It is really an inspiring one 'cos she manage to create incredible arts. I've chosen something that is totally related to my situation and how I cope up with that. Here's are some few that I want to share to someone as well that I know I can do it even there's big ocean in between us. It's just distance.

Distance is not a problem when you care for something. When you are in love.

I don't need too much to be happy.
Knowing that I'm linked to you in some way, that I can reach you everywhere and anytime is all I need.
It's like the sky were in my room, only for me - to sweeten my dreams.
All the rest is unimportant.

Some nights it's like the heart and the phone work in tandem.

The flashing screen and the ring tone seem to be the only link to reality.

And when all is silent, it hurts. Even if you try to deceive yourself.

Only love can bring more love.

I will be the better part of your life. I'm the light in your darkness.

I dream of you..
Even if you're still something confused, someone I haven't met yet.
I only know that one day I'll be yours and you will be mine, and all of this won't be only a dream.

When I'm sad to feel better I have to think that love is what links us. I have to think there's a way to get to you and possibly never let you go.
There's a red thread that ties you to me and I'm so glad I can see it. Can you too?
Dreams aren't only for children..

Hope you guys enjoy this marvelous photos and short phrases from Nonnetta. I'll be out again and I won't be able to create blogs for 6 days, but I'll try to share a lot of things within those days. Matta ne!

[Photo and Words by Nonnetta]

Wednesday Fever pt. II

2011-03-23T05:56:00.000-07:00

Sitting at a computer all day, more or less, that's me!

Sentimental fool, that's me again.

Daydreamer it's another way to describe me.

Since when is it a crime to be anti-social?

My storm of feelings.

P A R A N O I D

There are times that I'm so scared to live I turn my back on everything, whispering so poor excuses that I'm the first not believing in them.
My fear to be hurt prevents me from living and making my dreams reality.

I'm in a daze...

[Photo and Words by Nonneta]

Wednesday Fever

2011-03-22T20:02:00.000-07:00

It's my rest day so it's CATCH UP DAY! Change of plans I'll be staying here in my comfy home to rest, sleep, eat and do movie marathon. Want to watch all the missed series and movies while I'm out working my ass in manila. I thought I will be ables to be here yesterday, but the cafe went to have a little party outing so I was drag and there's nothing I can do about it. huhuhu. It was fun though, makes my head flooded with pool water 'cause of the canon ball jump. I love it!

So, it's been awhile actually doing this. I've started my catching up day last weekend with my bestfriend Bils. We went out to jive try to catch up with my very cool friend by doing some sort of stuff like sharing corny jokes and stories. Went to shop a bit with him , ate at racks; then back to his crib sort of use his laptop to catch up with hubby, and then tried to watch bigbang theory 4 for a lil heads up and then the movies which I truly love doing in catch-up-day XD I just fell asleep though.

Moving on... I a bit hungry haven't ate yet since I arrived here in my comfy home. Mom cooked something, but she wants me to drink coffee first. AND ALL OF MY STUFF IS A MESS!!! I need to get out here. PC saved for No Ordinary Family Watching only. Put that in my Desktop. New OS and CPU so Lurve it! ♥♥♥

catch-up with me

movie marathon ♥ relax mode on

Blogsode: Touch of Love

2011-03-22T18:30:00.000-07:00

I miss blogging... I miss being an artist (Aside to my blogspot I have my deviantsite which also need my attention.) Being a blogger is really fun, though it requires a lot of attention, time, effort and brains still I can't manage that for now due to some circumstances of time limited and resources. But no worries I have a nice one blogsode here to share and I really want to thank the people who made this possible, because they're all the reason why I created this very special blogsode.

'This won't be easy' I said to myself. Love is the hardest thing for me to share or to blog. I think I did write some few about it sometime ago and all I can say it was doom to failure. Though the past blogs are so emoetic and dramatic, it is much easier to burst out that feeling since all of them are base from true events. I did put a little exaggeration for the readers. But yeah! That's the fact and now I'm so glad that I'm writing this blog for something different, something light and I entitled it Touch Of Love (Kinda cheesy, but we can't run from it! hahaha). I was able to get more information through observation, people's experiences, and my very own experiences as well :). I miss my way of blogging 'cos I don't want to be a serious-type. But somehow I mix it in this blog. LOL. So here it goes!

It is truly amazing to feel such thing like this. An intangible kind were in we can have it or feel it with our family, friends and even to our special someone. Love can never just be used out of any other circumstances. Love can be form and deepen by time.
According to the Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren:

Life is all bout love. Because God is love, the most important lesson he wants us to learn on earth is how to love.

God loved us first.
For the ones we love, we are willing to make the unthinkable.

That is why we feel something different within us, that we are vulnerable to it.
People may feel pain or suffering from it and I guess all of us feel that every time we love. I think there's nothing to be against it and it's rude to say I don't want to love anymore, because it's painful etc. But we think inside the box, or should I say we feel inside the box. We are being selfish. How bout the people who love us?
Love is sacrifice, a kind of love that God felt, gave for us. To explain it further I want to share some part of the lyrics from Yet of Switchfoot and I totally agree with it,
'If it doesn't break, If it doesn't break
If it doesn't break your heart it isn't love
If it doesn't break it's not enough...'
(Here's the link so you can listen to it. Good band, good song YET by Switchfoot )
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye.

Love is more about sharing I think.
Love is everywhere and it might be in the corner, just manage to look around and explore or you can just take your time to sit and relax and feel the air, see people smile, see how good the day it was even to the smallest, simplest things of life we can feel that LOVE.

A little advice: As someone wrote to me when I was younger, the first step toward love is to love ourselves. We need the time to discover and enjoy ourselves.

I love to be loved; it makes me feel alive.
I love to love; it makes me feel that I am human.

THE BEST USE OF LIFE IS LOVE
THE BEST EXPRESSION OF LOVE IS TIME
THE BEST TIME TO LOVE IS NOW.

I don't know if this blog has an impact to it what matters it I delivered what I want to blog. Look forward for more blogsode, moment blogs, and wacky blogs. Ja mata ne! ;)

[Photos via Nonnetta]

Blogsode: Appreciate

2011-01-20T18:39:00.000-08:00

photo by: Lucasricart

I am so amazed by the people I see and meet each day of my life. I walk pass them and get a smile on their faces. How delightful it is the world turns out to be. I am one of them. Even though there are bad side of it, people just ignore and continue living. We can't blame if people want more; and the consistency of the un-satisfaction out grew rise up to a great number. We can never be content, yet the greater part even to the smallest thing, We Appreciate. Just a simple thing like a 'smile' we can already feel the serenity of life, and the simplicity that goes within it.

photo by: manroms

Don't worry, be happy. Let us learn to appreciate, it is something a heart even the stoned one can do.

To Me Dearest Future Husband

2011-01-15T23:43:00.000-08:00

I'm here, always waiting... 'Till the day I'll see you down the aisle...

To see your face now is a dream come true; to have you in my life is what I always prayed for and dreamed of. God knows how I want to feel you and be with you for a lifetime. I have always long for your love. Your smile is my joy, your heart is my home, and your love is like a flowing life to me. I can say that you and I are truly meant to be. Now that I see you in front of me I have always wanted to say that I love you and I’ve waited for you; that is why I never lose hope that I’ll meet you and have the chance to be with you for the rest of my life. We’ve come a long way just to be in each other’s arm. I always think of you and just how I want to hug you tight. The sadness grew in me everyday and that half of me is empty, but when I think of you that you are there waiting, everything just go away. God is writing our love story and that’s what I want to hear from Him. God gives me strength to go through that waiting for you is worth it. I can say it is.

What I imagine about you? You love me for who I am. You laugh at my very silliest joke; your eyes are deep yet so beautiful to look at. Your happy face is what I love the most. Your gentleness gives peace to my heart and what I always encourage and respect. You can handle small or great responsibilities. You are strong yet God bless you with a soft heart.You got my eyes on you, my heart sings for you, a sign that it beats only for you.

We’ve got a long way, but I will never falter because I’m with you, we’re together. That I’ll walk with you hand in hand even grey hairs started to color your hair and that you’re still the most handsome man even your face covered with wrinkles. I will still hold you through the days of my life. Thank you for being a nice friend to me, and now that you become my lover that friendship will last for a lifetime. I want to share a lot of things to you, have an adventure with you. Even there are times that I almost give up but I think that both of us are preparing for this journey. That God bless us strength and courage to continue. I know that we will be meeting half way.

Yours and Forever,

Ivy

Old Journal 02

2011-01-12T08:20:00.000-08:00

Crying on my lonely life, but this world I know I'm not alone.

A light who wants to pass through on this world that was conquer by darkness,

pulling my wicked scheme. Never to spare the life I have in chains, holding me...

I struggle, trying to reach the one who wants me asleep. I never know the meaning

of this everything and when I hold his hand, I bleed. I held on to the rose you gave,

though thorns pricked me, I never let it go. I shut my eyes...

In this endless dream; centuries may past and I'll woke holding this thing, who I barely

reach for years. I imagine I'm walking under the moon's light telling me to go on and

when I saw someone's reflection stabbing me I fell deep into the ground. I'm bleeding,

hurt, I'm in pain. I close my eyes, seeing myself standing in the shore gazing upon the ocean.

I see a girl drowning, trying to catch her breath. I just stare, it's too late to save her.

She's lifeless. Darkness that's what I see. Such sharp rage cutting me, anger. I feel paralyze

by the world I've known. I'm trying to get out... reaching...

Journal 01

2011-01-10T21:02:00.000-08:00

Struggle to the world of imagination;

thinking if this is the true reality.

Walking, making ripples in water, waiting for miracles just to paint a smile on this bloodied face.

I want to see flower blooms even in the dark it lingers,

that these tears in my eyes flows, on my knees I plead.

Dancing in a place where no one knows,

screaming to be free;

holding me in my sleep.

Never will I again wake up

and soon everything will fade.

Embracing the pain, making my heart sing its last beat.

Nothing will be left.

No one will see.

No one will even come.

Everything will die.

I Look beyond the horizon that reflects my sadness;

stars began to fall one by one; it fades beyond my sight.

Fire burns my heart.

Shadows slither around my lonely soul.

I am chained in sorrow

asking, "When will I taste freedom?"

What will you do or buy if you have 1 billion in cash?

2010-11-10T23:17:00.001-08:00

What will you do or buy if you have 1 billion in cash?

Answer here

Moment of Silence

2010-10-18T23:24:00.001-07:00

There are definitely sharp pain in my chest, I usually wander out and build myself a wall of good words for running away and ignoring things, hiding from everyday torment. I'm an idiot, I guess the biggest one alive. I feel the hurt the moment I saw it and been drift from where I'm standing. Scared I might lose something precious to me. Most of the time I am a no-good-human and I'm probably the cruelest of all for being selfish, wanting it for myself without thinking it's part. I don't want mistake again yet it seem I keep hurting that "it". Again the fear part, all I can mount out is just a big breath of sigh and cover my face with my hands.

There are times that I'm so scared to live I turn my back on everything, whispering so poor excuses that I'm the first not to believe in them. My fear to be hurt prevents me from living and making my dreams reality.

I want to cry but I can't; there are no reason for me to feel the urge of crying. Stone hearted! What a bluff! I tried to make the pain go away by stopping it from beating, but how? I'm just a ridiculous person without a soul. Tormented by my own doings, conscience scream so loud I can't barely stand it anymore. All I want is for them to be happy, make them happy. That is my choice even I want to sacrifice my own happiness for their sake, cause I want to see them smiling for I feel joy inside and I'm content with that. Who cares anyway? I'm not like this before and somehow I hate what I've become, but I have to accept who I am right now and follow other's advice: love yourself. I am doing it.

It was like I were part of nothing, without a proper place in the world that kept going on all the same...

Inside I'm like a little girl crying in the corner trying to get an attention just to be held, to feel sorry for, to feel pitied. How pathetic of me I'm always been like that, but now why am I being so weak? It is always been like this and why bother feeling sorry for myself?

I feel like time is flowing away at high speed and I have nothing in my hands at the end of day. I feel anxious, about nothing. About all. About me.

Silence, all I want to hear is good silence. When I close my eyes all I want is...

All I really want is some peace... And all I really want is some comfort . .

I'm trying to be part of the world. Through small steps.. It's never easy to face the novelty of things, at least for me.

My Fallen Angel

2010-10-16T05:58:00.000-07:00

I'm always here at your side

tears fill my eyes as I gaze upon you as you sleep in my arms.

Against us is the world and the heaven knitted us to be apart.

Take me away from my longing for you,

my heart scream, reaching for you my beloved part.

I plead for my dreams to see your face..

I pray how I want to be with you.

Darkness fall let my hands save you in this

torment of agony and pain.

Hear me, I'll die without you in my arms.

Your eyes are drowned by fear revealing

fake smile I truly dear.

A face so sweet, come I'll whisper words I barely speak...

I love you.

Come my fallen angel, come my beloved...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_IcZfnL9hWY

Special Blogsode: Re-posting

2010-10-14T08:06:00.000-07:00

I found this one just a moment ago in my old blog site and got the idea to re-post it. I'm trying to think or make a new blog put of something, but there's nothing so there's no trigger to speak my mind. I guess this post will be something, something what I want to do before or maybe do it in the near future. This is tangible and mere facts I think it will happen but I'm not expecting.

Chopsuey Mind

Published by amhran under STORY

sa buhay nato hinihila ng gravity ang damdamin ko.. depress ba tawag dun? bat ganun? nasa ilalim naman tayo ng parehong ulap bat di kita makita.. bat gusto ng mata kong umiyak? Dumapa sa kama at umiyak. Gusto kong umiyak sa panong paraan. Tambay kaya ako sa Park magmunimuni kausapin si Jesus. Haba pa pala ng tatahakin ko gusto kong takasan yun di ko magawa kasi wala din naman akong patutunguhan kung di ko itutuloy yun sa kangkungan ako babagsak. May naalala ako nagstargaze ako one time napansin ko yung nakita ko yung mga bituin lapit nila dito tignan, sa amerika ang taas ng ulap isang bituin lang nakikita ko pero 9 ng gabi dun 6 pa lang ng gabi satin ang itsura ang weird pero habang tanaw ko yung lugar sana ganun kabagal buhay ko.. pano ko kaya ikukwento buhay ko? Sinubukan kong gumawa ng storya base sa mga karanasang pangdamdamin nakagawa ako hanggang chapter 7 ewan ko kung magugustuhan ng tao yun. Naalala ko gumagawa ako ng poem, poets, maikling kwento bakit ngaun hirap na. Nakinig ng isang kantang di nakakasawa sa tenga ayus na trip yun may isang kanta na di nakakasawang pakingan pero napaka tragic niya. Fave line ko dun eto oh

“swear that you don’t have to go I thought we could wait for the fireworks I thought we could wait for the snow

Stay up all night with the stars Confess all the faith that I had in you

And you’d help me out of the dark And I’d give my heart as an offering

And I will always remember you as you are right now to me And I will always remember now Sleep alone tonight with no one here just by your side”

Medyo emo pero diba ramdam naman ang kalungkutan sa bawat parte ng katawan? Habang kinakanta ko ito hindi ko mapigilan maramdaman ang bagay na natural lang maramdaman. Desisyon sabi ng isang kaibigan.

gusto ko gumawa ng kanta pero walang melodie akong naririnig.. ano ba feeling pag nakatayo ka lang tapos wala kang iniisip. Ang gulo pero yan nasa utak ko, naisip ko i-lista iyon sana matupad.

Gusto ko magawa toh sa buhay ko:

1. Ngitian lahat ng tao

2. Magpalipad ng sarangola

3. Makipagone on one ng badminton

4. Magjogging sa pinagjjoggingan ng mga joggers

5. Gusto ko kumaen ng isang buong cake

6. gumala sa tagaytay

7. magpicnic sa picnic grobe

8. Makatangap ng isang boquet ng flowers

9. may sulat sa boquet ng flowers

10. Makita yung gitna ng taal volcano

11. Magpahenna tas yung taong gusto ko pareho kami ng henna

12. Haranahin ako

13. Makatambay sa manila bay

14. Makapanuod sa alis theater ng ballet

15. Makapanuod ng orchestra

16. matuto mag violin

17. matutong mag aikido

18. makatulog sa picnic ng nakahiga sa lap ng importanteng tao sakin

19. Matugtugan ng banda na yung kanta para sakin lang

20. Manuod ng fireworks 21. Pumulot ng shell sa beach habang niraramdam ang lamig ng dagat

22. Makatikim ng kakaibang putahe

23. Makabili ng kumpletong series ng book ng twilight-gang dulo

24. makinig ng malambing na tula

25. Makapunta sa lugar na unfamiliar sakin

26. Makapanood sa IMAX

27. Makatangap din ng daffodils

28. Humiga sa damuhan

29. mag-airsoft

30. Sumigaw ng masarap mabuhay habang nagsky diving or bungee jumping

31. pumunta ng Japan at makakita ng sakura

32. makapag -tattoo ng bagay na may meaning sakin

33. Maging masaya sa ginagawa ko

Mga bagay or event na gusto ko magawa...

Blogsode: I don't give a damn

2010-10-12T07:35:00.000-07:00

I guess no more stories about the maid cafe and KTS. Got lazy doing it, so I guess forget it. This is a special blog and I'll be putting some attitude in it.

The irrelevancy of my life. The me being irrational and careless.

To act according to my own selfishness. To hurt someone I love.

It sucks whenever I can't express myself especially when I feel like I'm totally in the mud.

Drench on my own pity, letting my agony and sorrow bit me. Oh! how thee want this to halt. For as far as I'm concern I don't want to feel any of it. This is stupid!

In short:

I am sad and it seems I don't give a damn.

Vegetable Soup: Birthday Ever.. I'm 22!!

2010-08-23T04:40:00.000-07:00

August 22, 2010 finally turned 22. August 22, 1988 when my mom gave birth to a healthy baby girl. That's me! It's quite a long 22 years for me and I really enjoyed my adventure. I'm looking forward for more years in my life. I'm thanking God for giving me this year. I learned a lot of things, meet a lot of people and just tried to survive this life's challenge. Though, many of it are bad it is still a chance for me to make good out of it. I am completely just a human capable of doing a lot of stuff and a vulnerable one too. Another year and as I look on back to the 21 years I have all I can give is a pure smile and wave goodbye. I'm walking forward to a bright future that God made for me. I appreciate from the smallest to the biggest of everything and let go all the troubles on my shoulders. I don't have to elaborate or tell more. It was just one great year for me.

The day has come. I'll be skipping some parts. Morning I went to church to be with God and to be with my family, then I went to couch potato mode to watch ong bak 3 and help my mom cook some food. Visitors arrived 3pm so started to put my jacket on. Some of my friends from manila went to celebrate, hang out. I won't be seeing them for a long time so I guess it's worth it.

It was nice especially during the night event. We just took some pictures, me and my genshi friends just do crazy stuff and I love the light-fun effect. It was sure nice.

I don't have anything to say it turns to be boring so I'll be cutting this off. toodles!

Hello 22 years old Ivy.

To Write Love In Your Arms

2010-07-23T18:56:00.001-07:00

"To write love in your arms..." These words keep running in my mind. To see what will be the out come of spreading a very valuable words to each individual that we cared about. Who we sympathize and empathize with. With these words sometimes we ignore the pain and sorrow, the agony of loneliness. Just the thought about it, we get depress and doesn't even leave in our heads. We are so afraid of being alone, being left out. I did try to assemble myself from all those things, I try to learn, to grow even write love or sing love; to express love. I maybe feel the pain of a scar, but it's a natural thing to feel that and we're vulnerable in every way. Everyone has compassion in their heart, its part of us. Clearly I understand that this world in the eyes of God it is always good that was He says in Genesis and with His love I experience an extravagant wonders of life. Imagine He is saying "I want to write love in your arms." Lovely isn't it? When He say that it lingers in every part my body that I want to hear more from Him to whisper such words it will always be amazing.

I wonder where I've been hiding? Life can be cruel as it gets, in man love can be evil and painful, happiness looses it's touch, joy vanishes itself. But, in God it is always perfect, His love is the most precious thing that we can feel and through that there's more happiness and joy goes along with it.

I want to write love in your arms....

VISION:

The vision is that we actually believe these things…

You were created to love and be loved. You were meant to live life in relationship with other people, to know and be known. You need to know that your story is important and that you're part of a bigger story. You need to know that your life matters.

We live in a difficult world, a broken world. My friend Byron is very smart - he says that life is hard for most people most of the time. We believe that everyone can relate to pain, that all of us live with questions, and all of us get stuck in moments. You need to know that you're not alone in the places you feel stuck.

We all wake to the human condition. We wake to mystery and beauty but also to tragedy and loss. Millions of people live with problems of pain. Millions of homes are filled with questions – moments and seasons and cycles that come as thieves and aim to stay. We know that pain is very real. It is our privilege to suggest that hope is real, and that help is real.

You need to know that rescue is possible, that freedom is possible, that God is still in the business of redemption. We're seeing it happen. We're seeing lives change as people get the help they need. People sitting across from a counselor for the first time. People stepping into treatment. In desperate moments, people calling a suicide hotline. We know that the first step to recovery is the hardest to take. We want to say here that it's worth it, that your life is worth fighting for, that it's possible to change.

Beyond treatment, we believe that community is essential, that people need other people, that we were never meant to do life alone.

The vision is that community and hope and help would replace secrets and silence.

The vision is people putting down guns and blades and bottles.

The vision is that we can reduce the suicide rate in America and around the world.

The vision is that we would learn what it means to love our friends, and that we would love ourselves enough to get the help we need.

The vision is better endings. The vision is the restoration of broken families and broken relationships. The vision is people finding life, finding freedom, finding love. The vision is graduation, a Super Bowl, a wedding, a child, a sunrise. The vision is people becoming incredible parents, people breaking cycles, making change.

The vision is the possibility that your best days are ahead.

The vision is the possibility that we're more loved than we'll ever know.

The vision is hope, and hope is real.

You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story.

What will be life as time passed?

2010-06-21T02:10:00.000-07:00

I imagined myself as an old person, or maybe dreamed of it before. But my life as an old person? I know I'll be running toward it. Time passed so fast I'm turning 22 soon and then 23, 24, 25 so on. A lot of things I might miss in my life and just wonder of it. I remembered this movie, an old woman sitting in a chair beside a river, on her old shoes the tiny waves painting the shore and the cool breeze scent that tickles her nose. She calmly sit there with her shoal and hat to warm her. Sometimes, you just want to be there and never leave. Her eyes silently watch the details of the place, she love the scenery. I would probably like that, I'm sitting on a rocking chair on my own home with a beautiful backyard to watch and just relax in a long day; picture out in my vivid mind the beauty of it where I live on. Just stare it like there's no ending. Only few things you can do when you are old, but I'm sure you'll appreciate a lot of things in life. In my side, I would love to grow old with someone I love or someone who can be a friend to me till time takes my breathe away. I used to remember my mom on how she manage to see her and my dad when they get old living in a rural province. She wants to build a rest-house beside the sea, a simple one for them two and a backyard where they can plant vegetables or flowers. It was a good one.

For me old ones are sweet and nice, they are lovely people though there are bad tempered ones. But they need affection and love. For them the world crumbles and the remaining amount of time is for them to keep. I love to see them or watch them. Whenever I see old couples they look very charming and more romantic than romantic movies.

I will love the person that I'll be with for the rest of my life. Though, the grey painted most of his hair, the funny wrinkles in his eyes and cheeks, he might walk slowly for me he is the man that he is since the first time I met him. He is my very best friend. We can still share a lot of things in our lives even we are old. I'll smile at him always.

Vegetable Soup: Better Days

2010-03-13T09:56:00.000-08:00

Days come, days go...Clock is ticking and it seems never ending.

All I thought is what I have now and what I loose as I stare blankly to the white screen, just molding the words to write. Better days is what I want, what we want. A reaching hand to someone who stumbles and fall, a loving arm for embrace to heal.

Everyday, that's right it is a new day, looking back to the past it's just another story to tell, to be able to close my eyes and feel them as it lingers underneath the skin, but it is not to harm me, it is just to remember. The happiness and the pain, both are forgiving words and actions to desolate the present and to slow down the future. What matters is it played the role in my life as an individual, a mistakes to learn, a smile that draws in my face. Yet I've never been so appreciative in such simple life for a gift. My deepest fear is not that I am inadequate. My deepest fear is that I might be powerful beyond measure. It is the light, not the darkness that most frightens us. We've been given so much mercy as we live; from the moment I open my eyes on the sun warm rays till the day ends in glimpse of saying goodbye to it again, it is mercy. I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. These better days might be in my dreams, a lot more is going on in the world than I am conscious of when I am disappointed, or hurt, or frustrated, or embittered, still I want to say that is my better days. And I want you to find yours as well even it's bad or good, take a time to look at it. Being vulnerable doesn't have to be threatening. Just have the courage to be sincere, open and honest.

Step by step till I get there is not an easy task to do and the risk is always there. But it will be worth it for me if I know what's the end of my lifeline. My beating heart is a happy burden. The most beautiful things in the world are not seen nor touched. They are felt with the heart. Speaking from the heart frees us from the secrets that burden us. Come to think of it I never missed to breathe, to stop for awhile and see the beauty of each day I have. We are not prisoners, it's just a mere fact that we feel bound 'cos we meditate too much on pessimist areas. When we focus to the feelings of self-pity, the self in isolation, the result is an intensification of misery. So live freely and boldly and in every event of our life let's never forget to confront God.

What a different story people would have to tell if they would adopt a definite purpose and stand by that purpose until it had time to become an all-consuming purpose. This is my story, my purpose, my life and my better days.

Vegetable Soup: Moving

2010-03-01T06:50:00.000-08:00

Ireshaimasen! It's me again Ivy-chan at your service!

Since this is an opening blog for March I'll be giving lots of yummy vegetable soup story though I don't know where will I get them. But who knows there are might some interesting stuff happening around me, at present or in the future. There's always a load of them to care and share.

So! It's been awhile since my last blog it was about the love life and live life. And bo!y I'm doing well in that since life can never been easier than just go against the flow of the world and live it as human as everyone can be. But the story here is just a welcoming one. I browse my recent blog and every has it's own event. Most are sad and most are still sad, I guess sadder. Let me take the opportunity to share more happy ones. Then it will be something new even for myself.

Ja! Do Itashimashite!

Moment of Felicity

2010-02-17T13:12:00.000-08:00

It's been 5 days since the last sad event in my life happened. Things as of this moment is quiet as usual. I woke up early as my alarm clock started to ring it self. More over it's past 5 in the morning and decided to skip another day of work. Long ride from here to there, getting on my nerves yet it gets more tiring everyday. I saw myself caught in daze, many things happened recently and I don't know how will I organize them in my mind. I was pretty familiar in some certain happenings, but I don't see myself in that situation. Funny though it seems I ran away to hide for awhile. I keep myself restrained as possible as I could even people say I'm strong I can melt down in anytime.

I can say I'm on the stage of felicity. It seems now that the world I gaze is much more in war and I have to live with that. To make it more decent to help myself in this I spend time with my family. Never thought that I missed them so much. Here in the house, I talk with them for a lot now than before and everyday I misses my dad as well. But the chance always never looses, there's always something to look forward and family is what I want to prioritize at the moment. I tried to spend talks with my brothers and then again everything is so peaceful as I thought it wouldn't happen anymore. Next, a fun time with friends. I'm sure spending a time with different attitudes, personalities, characters and to laugh with their silly joke is what I also miss in my life. This month I've been with them; they give their best way to pull myself together and that's what I love about them the most. I AM LOVED. Rich in love by family and friends is always I treasure. Through them I never thought smiling is what really is ME. I heard a some few giggles and turned into more that I said, "hey! I'm laughing." Wow! it was so nice to live this life even some things will grumble in front of me, I never thought of loosing with it again. Surrender to more what's powerful than me and anything in this world is something. To know that I have this purpose driven life. I know this adventure will surely be always different, fun, full of learning, and being a human and capable to feel those things is normal, to be able to deal with these events is something I want to say, sing, tell and most of all LIVE.

-Amhran

Moment Of Solidarity

2010-02-09T04:40:00.000-08:00

This is a day in my life's life

3 a.m.

I take a step on today's morning, unwillingly wake up to the sound of the alarm clock. I grab my towel and went straight to the bathroom, feel the water for a bit, cold as usual forgot to heat it up. That's the start of a tiring day at work. Stupid! I lost my make-up kit hang for a moment knowing I'll be scolded without it. While sitting at the dining table I tried to jump start my brain, "please come alive", on the other hand my mom was trying to talk to me and I tried my best to listen. All about resigning and work from abroad. All I have to say is yes and few comments here and there. Excited I really am, hope that's the way for me to enjoy my life, seeing and stepping to a foreign land again. On the other side of it I'm just running, coward. From a far I hear rooster's crow, a music to play in my ears. I breathe a little air as I step down at the car. Hello bus stop! Few people in a rush, yet the sky still dark as it can be. I know as soon as I loose sight of the green field that pass by, it's goodbye tranquility and hello bedlam.

5- 5:45 a.m.

I hear the conductor calling out. I arrived early to my stop, my beautiful thoughts crash down--hard. I went up and see more people in a rush. The typical sight of today's streets no different as soon as time changes: men lining up their fake DVD goods; women pulling down the curtains that hid their dresses to sell; working men waiting for their next ride while hitting cigarettes for breakfast; working women do the same thing. Noise, shouting, calling your name for a ride. It always the same like yesterday. I've waited in the middle of the road not minding the taxis passing a few inch from me, time check I'm not late yet. I manage to survive all the way from the traffic heading towards the airport as soon I reached my destination, time for my daily exercise, walking. Just staring straight ahead, I can't think of anything, but blank, all black when I close my eyes it is still blank. When I suddenly realized I'm already insidee. The usual airport scenario; passenger running; foreigners with excited faces; people asleep and waiting; people with gadgets and laptop. The atmosphere inside the airport is far from what is happening in reality. Within the stonewalls, happy thoughts are present; smile and giggles are exchanged. Outside, futile hands dragging sacks of trash are the only scenes I see. 15 min before my shift. Everyone at my work almost saying the same thing "You're too early." Yet I greeted them all a nice good morning. Most of them tried to bite a news from me, most of them ask if I'm okay now, while other says I look like I never sleep. "WHY?" That word suddenly appear to my mind. I must been look so terrible. Time to start my day. Love the smell of a new challenge.

7:20 a.m.

One by one I serve and sell; I instruct and pity; I argue and win; I stop and rest. Now I write this part, I serve myself also for a good story. Today is more depressing than yesterday, I felt uneven feeling. I smile, but it seems emptier than ever. I said "my thoughts are compelled, vulnerable as I am." My colleague beside me ask me a few question maybe because my quietness is an unease feeling for her that it is almost sounds like a noise. I said only few words and then stared straight back to the screen. I gave a deep breathe that the phrase is a question to me. More over, living is what I'm trying to get over with. We humans are capable of feeling this, most of us just get the hang of it, others tried to forget that once they are humans and yet sacrifice that to feel. Silly, superficial moments where we could all pretend we're living in Wonderland. Whatever I'm trying to feel also. But, all of us are different. I still cherish the life I have even though living it is a difficult task. Time to leave it blank. More passengers come and buy, ask and leave.

11:30 a.m.

Hungry, I sit half of the day and I almost felt my energy lost. The sound of the air-condition and other people surrounds me with their tapping at the keyboard and ask same question every passenger to another elicits the reaction from my famished stomach. Its signals that once again, my tummy would be full of food that would get me through the rest of the exhausting day in work.

Away from the ambiance of the office and into the chaotic world of 4th floor is the place where I eat lunch. Waiting for other to finished theirs are a victory for me and my colleagues to sit next. I eat quietly as I observe the people around me. Hundreds of lips open and close in split second, thousand of eyes dart left and right, and millions of promises broken. It's sad to witness deprivation of all sorts in a place where I least expect it. But I guess what saddens me the most is the normality of it all.

***

I admit there's no peace in my mind and heart, no felicity goes within it. Chances are I'm scared to face what I'm afraid the most and the more I think of it the more pain I feel. I can't blame the life I tried to live on for 21 years; the more things I face the more I felt drowned.

Gone are the days when morning signal the start of a new hope. Today's mornings have become a signal for another day of hunger. Afternoons have become a day for feeding one's vices instead of living it purposely, Nights, from being time for rest, have become the time for evil to take form.

We are enveloped by negativity that we have let ourselves be consumed by the pessimistic world. But that tiny fact cannot be used as an excuse to let all these things happen. There is something we can do, I can do--there always is. It's up to me If I were going to let this little piec of heaven go nowhere.

But then again, isn't there always a light at the end of the tunnel?

One of the Events

2009-12-21T22:05:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile since I post my blog here. The time that had passed, moments that have stolen, ticking clocks I always hear, seconds become minutes that turns to be hours, moveing days, weeks been created and now months just passed away not slow nor fast. My heart is in movement, in this world I always moved by it, I am within it. This is the life I have thought every now and then. I tried to skip, but then I'll trip off and get hurt. What do I thought about now? I can imagine greater things, but my mind set in to a very peacful place. I'm standing under this big tree, watching, waiting. It's a very good spring, where I can hear water running, just flowing beyond the rocks. Warm breeze touching my skin, moved my heart by the scenery beyond me. I want to be there, I'm being caight by the world I want to see. Going back to the reality. I am here felt so far and vast. Vauge, blurred. I am stranger of my own self. Wanting to be less, wanting to go further.

As I type this, this is one of my events. Vauge events everyday I grow old, I'm wrong to tell myself I am weary, it's wrong that I am sad nor even say lonely. I am being unfair to everyone. It's wrong to say that my existence is not important as I want it to be, I just need someone to make me feel I am me and support for what I want to become. Wheneve I think my time is near, I need to get far from the road I am taking up. Change to make the first move, to make the first step. I need to live and love how the things manages as the world go around. This is not yet my goodbye.

Blogsode: Tagalog Moment

2009-10-14T23:51:00.000-07:00

Hindi matakasan ang maging malungkot sa pagkakataong maramdaman ko ulit ang ganon. 'Pagod nako' minsan sinsabi ko sa sarili ko yun. Sinsabi ko naman bat di ka tumigil at magpahinga. Hindi, hindi pwede marami pwedeng mawala sakin na hindi ko namamalayan. Nasasaktan ako sa mga parteng mahina ako, umiiyak din ako kung may pagkakataon maging payapa lang ang lahat. Sa bawat na hindi mabilang patak ng luha, pinagmamasadan ko ang sarili kung gano pa rin ako kalakas, at kung san ko pa kayang magpatuloy. Isa akog duwag, pero sinusubukan pa rin harapin ng may tapang ang lahat kahit alam kong talo ako sa dulo.

Tama na, yun din sabi ko pero matigas ang ulo ko eto pa rin ako patuloy sa ginagawa ko. Humahabol, kahit pagod na maabot ko lang ang dapat kong maabot hindi ako takot gawin yun. Sa tingin ko aman lahat ng bagay ay may halaga at patutunguhan kaya dapat ipaglaban. Pero hanggang kailan? Sinusubukan ko ang sarili, hinahamon ang mundo, isang kalokohan. Umiiyak sa sakit pero may binibigay akong ngiti sa bawat taong hindi makita aking mga luha, sa bawat taong bulag, at sa mga taong walang oras mabuhay. Isang ngiti ang ibibigay ko. Ako ito, ang taong hindi maintindihan. Hanggang kailan din bako ibibigay ng buhay?

Isang Kwento

2009-09-24T07:46:00.000-07:00

Farewell by Takeru San

Masaya kami. Yun ang lagi kong iniisip at naalala. Hindi ko mahintay na mag bukas na muli para makita ko siya, masulyapan mga ngiti niya at marinig ang mga bawat tawa niya sa biro ko. Pag nakikita ko siya hindi ko matiis ang humanga sa isang simpleng nilalang na tulad niya. Tuwing sasapit ang umaga maririnig ko na ang pangalan ko na tinatawaf mula sa labas ng bahay namin. "Hoy! tara na!" Kailangan ko na maghanda at magmadaling mag ayos malamang matinding gala na naman ito. Isang part time manlalakbay papel naming dalawa sa mundo. Kala mo gusto tatakan ang bawat lugar na napuntahan ng mga pangalan namin. Hindi naman ganoon kalayo napupuntahan namin, basra sa mga lugar lang na kayang abutin ng mga paa at pera namun. Ok nako, ayos na. Sa paglabas ko ng bahay andun siya nagaabang sa harap ng bahay, tinitignan mga taong dumadaan na animo'y walang pakealam. Nilapitan ko siya at binati ng may ngiti. Tumingin siya sakin, ngumiti at sabay suntok sa braso, "Tagal mo, para kang babae kumilos. Ready ka na ba?" tumungo na lang ako na may ngiting pagalinlangan sabay hila sa braso ko palabas ng bahay. Saan ba ang punta? Malay ko, kung san kami dadalhin ng paa niya. Nakakapagod man pero nawawala yun dahil kasama ko siya, hindi ako nalulungkot at sulit ang lahat. Pinaka masaya ang foodtrip naming dalawa, kaen dito, kaen doon. Pag napagod tambay muna sa gutter. Sa pagdating ng gabi yun na ang oras ng uwiang malungkot na para sakin. Hindi ako nabobored kasama siya, bawat araw ay bago, bawat araw may surpresang maganda minsan hindi. Nakakatuwamg isipin, dito ko sa tambayan inaalala lahat ng mga lakbay na walang humpay. Naalala ko kung pano siya magkwento, detakyado, nakakatuwa siya pagmasdan para akong nanunuod ng TC, kumpleto kasi sa action, pagkumpas ng kamay, expression ng mukha, linya na sinasabi. Kahangahanga, Ako? Parang munting bata na nakikinig sa isang story teller. Nakakatuwa din pag inaasar ko siya sa pakikinig at pangbabara, hindi niya maiwasang ngumuso na may halong pananakit. Biro lang yun lagi ko sinasabi sa kanya na may ngiti. Ginagawa ko yun makita ko lang siya na masaya, ginagawa ko yun kasi importante siya sakin at ang totoo mahal ko siya. Madami na kaming pinagsamahan maikli man ang oras o mahaba, eto nagpapakulay ng mundo ko, dahil sa kanya. Isang matinding hampas sa likod ang naramdaman ko, balik sa mundo ang utak ko. Masakit at sa sakit wala akong nagawa. "Andito ka pala! Masakit ba? kanina ka pa kasi tulala para kang baliw." Hindi ako nakapagsalita sa sakit at nginitian na lang siya. Nagmumuni muni at may inaalala lang nasabihan pang baliw. Hindi kumpleto ang araw pag hindi siya nagiging siga sakin, sanay na siguro ako sa ganun. Tumabi siya sakin at huminga ng malalim, "Aalis ako. Gusto ko ng malawak na paglalakbay. Makita pa lahat ng lugar na hindi ko pa nakikita." Napaisip ako bakit?"Gusto ko maglakbay, makita mga nakikita ng tao, nakit naging importante sa kanila ang lugar na yun, makita mga kahanga hangang senaryo." Magandang ideya nga yun, makita ang kalawakang ng muno. Nakikita ko sa kanya ang pagkaexcite, pero hindi matago ang lungkot na pinapahiwatig ng kanyang mga mata. "ayoko iwan ang lahat, pero gusto ng puso ko ang umalis bago mawala ang lahat sana makita ko man lang ang mga ito." Andito naman ako, isasama mo ba ko o sarili mo ng paglalakbay yun? tanong ng isip ko gusto kong sabihin ngunit walang lumaba labas na salita. Gusto kitang ma protektahan sa panganib, mailigtas sa masasama, at mabantayan ka sa pagtulog mo. Ang katahimikan ng kapaligiran ang nagpalungkot sakin, ang malaman na aalis siya, tumungin ako sa kagandahan ng kalingitan habang niraramdaman ang lamig ng hangin at ang init ng araw. "Magandang ideya na yun diba? Babalik din naman ako sigurado yun, hindi din naman forever maglalakbay ako. Nalulungkot ka ba?" Ngumiti ako at ayoko ipakita sa kanya na nalulungkot ako. "Gusto mo bang sumama? Malungkot kung ako lang magisa, gusto ko din naman ishare ang kagandahan ng lugar na makikita natin. diba?" Hindi ako sumagot, mahirap din namang iwan ang mga bagay na naging parte ng buhay mo. Gustohin ko man pero matinding pag desisyon yun. Tinignan ko siyang muli, at nakita ko ang luha sa kanyang mga mata. Ang makita siyang umiyak ang nagpa basag ng katahimikan ng lugar at ng puso ko.Ngumiti siya sakin at tumayo siya "Pasensya na, alam ko iniisip mo at naiintidihan ko yun." Naglakad siya papalayo, pinilit ko abutin ang kamay niya ngunit hindi ko na iti naabutan. Sa hindi kalayuan kita ko siyang lumalayo na, pinilit ko siyang pigilan ngunit may pumipigil sakin ang sarili ko. Tumigil siya at tinignan niya ako muli, pinunasan ang mga luhat at isang matamis na ngiti ang kanyang ipinakita. "Paalam na, hindi kita makakalimutan. Salamat ha sa isang maganda at pinakamasayang paglalakbay na binigay mo. Salamat!" Hindi ko naisip na yun na ang huli namin pagkikita at huling ngiti na kanyang pinakita. Hindi na. Alam ko andun na siya sa walang hanggang paglalakbay na alam kong masaya siya. Masakit malamang wala na siya pero alam ko masaya siya sa lugar na patutunguhan niya. Ang magandang alala niya ay mananatili sakin, dito sa puso ko. Hindi ko man nasabing mahal ko siya pero ang maparamdam sa kanya yun ay sapat na para malaman niyang hindi siya nagiisa. Gaano man katagal ang panahon isa itong kayaman sakin. Salamat at Paalam.

The Gift

2009-09-03T21:14:00.000-07:00

by: alonedarkconnected I stare blankly in the white page in front of me thinking of right words to write, constrcuting lines to say. thoughts that disappear, promises caught in the line, silence is the gift. Funny thing my brain stuck into space as of now. Lately I am tired and uninspired. Then count the gifts one by one. It doesn't relate to anything. Who am I? This shouldn't be the gift, how bout the story? Who is the person beyond the mirror? Don't cry. There is so much to do, but I am caught up and my feet seems doesn't want to move. I'm sitting here, waiting. Live like I'm dying, now that is something new for me. Let me try if that's all I can do, it's a gift not to remorse. humanity are dying, but the life is a gift. Humanity are rotting, but the love to feel is a gift. Let it go and go away, try not to turn back again. If I can't how will I move forward? Who's now my miracle cure? It's a long gone story, I said bye without the good in it. When I think of whats more beyond, the feeling of leaving is at hand. There I was waiting again. Walk, there's more to see, walk and don't get tired to feel. Hope that's what I long for, dream of your dream again. Say bye with the good in it and don't stay. No more room for pity and sadness. Stand up. I just realize I caught my brain again and saw I'm done with my blog for today.

Amhran's Side Of Story

2009-08-10T23:38:00.000-07:00

August o7 of 2009 at 7:15 am. Amhran stuck on the traffic jam. She left the house 6:00 am together with her two brothers. Just a moment ago she was dreary today and blessed by the rain she thought. Last night she had her quiet time reading in the book of 1 Corintihans 1 about God's comfort and the true nature of 'Yes'. Same topic on her morning devotion in another book not a coincidence, but it is something to bear in mind.Funny she thought. Before leaving the house amhran she make sure she's okay and on the mood for her training, glad to know she got two funny brothers. Her brother a year younger than him gave her a ride to the bus stop. While in the car, amhran's brother break the silence by sharing about this funny dj. He tried to reinact the way the dj talk that gives her a laugh. That's a good a start, a laugh.

The cloud seem so sad today she wonders. Sitting in the front row, beside the window, she gaze outside watching people run for cover in the heavy rain. The cloud started to cry. Listening to some ipod tracks ease her mood, in the contrary she opened and read the book she brought, vintage grimm something to ulift her spirit on how everything end up in happily ever after. She got bored reading the book, turn the volume up from her ipod and just listen. She saw something in her bag a teck deck (tiny skate board). Which reminded her the old days and teh person who gave that to her. She smiled, one sad smile. She waited and waited, checking the time almost past an hour. She's still stuck. Poor amhran hope she wont be late to her training. How unfortunate, still she's calm, watching, listening. This is what morning looks like as of today, the sun is hiding beyond the rain.

While waiting she saw her two cute keychains one is an angel and the other is a devil. Then an imagination of a story she make:

The Greatest Adventure of the Angel and Devil

The heaven and hell are just a few pace distance. Heaven is just above the hell, but two roads seperate it, these roads are simple as it seems the one is narrow and the other is wide. Its a long path before you reach the two ends and you won't see them in distance.

An angel wants to explore beyond and out of heaven. Her desire to see the world grows and grows. So she went up with God and ask permission to explore, out of love He let her. The angel jump in joy. While on the other side, a place of hell a devil runaway for he can't take any longer the dreadful place. He never turned back or gaze hell, he just hid his horns and tail.

It's a long journey to get into the world. But the two never minds it all.

The angel sings and dance not realizing the devil in its way walking with is face down, the two bumped each other and the devil fell to the ground. She stop and saw the devil n the ground, she lend her hand to help the devil get up. The devil look up and saw her sweet smile. How astonishing to his site a beautiful creature, so he grab her hand and get up. He's okay.

She introduce her self and offer a shake hand same goes to the devil.

This is a start of something we called friendship despite the differences.

Amhran check the time, she's running late. That's all for a short story. She got a call from her mom and asked her to meet them in some restaurant so that they will gave her a ride to the office. She get out of the bus and walk. "It take just one step, to change everything, to make a difference, to grab a chance. Just one step."

So the day goes on. She finished her training very late due to being slow making resevation for the last passenger w/o knowing something dark awaits. She says her goodbyes to her co-workers. She text someone telling that she just finished the job for the day. A sudden coldness she felt beyond the other line. Without hesitation she asked him, "How are we?", "Do you still love me?" She got the answer, an answer that shattered her heart into pieces. Tears flowed in her eyes, that every bit of it hurts from within. Then suddenly rain fell from the sky, she walk all the way down. Doesn't know what to do, she stop in a dark shed and cried there till it goes away. Till the rain washed it all away. The love is in the verge of dying, how can it be? She's lost and just cried. She tried to know the reasons, she tried and tried. Can she still save it? Does amhran need to take the chance? She needs a reason...

5 Days Fever Blast

2009-08-03T07:44:00.000-07:00

Initial Skyspeed Training

After a long month of waiting finally I'm done with my first 5 days of training in Cebu Pacific Training Center. God was really good to bless me a nice and suitable job. Initial Skyspeed training is one of the first step before 5J (Cebupacific air) hired you. The entire training is learning the basic about reservation and bookings of flight meaning this is a technical training. I started last week thursday on this blood sucking training. The fun part NEW FRIENDS!!!! The pissing part I'm from cavite so I need to wake up early morning just to arrive early. Now I have a cold stupid nose!! The first day of training is quite a blast, meeting new people is a different experience what more when they became your friends. Cool!

Moving on reservation, flight information, booking/rebooking, payments, availabilty of flights, number of pax (passenger), the place to go. When I get bored I just play some solitaire in the PC, draw glenn chibi looks, or whisper with my sitmates.LOL. Everything is on my head for the entire week I'm in front of the PC doing those what I've mention. My yahoo account was already loaded with bookings I made for the excercises the rates and fares are pretty expensive. Now the good news we might have some incentive in tickets if I plan to book a flight (I'm planning to have a vacation with the family and so to my glenn). First, its quite hard but since I've got already some ideas in doing reservation I easily cope up with the discussion and etc. I had a great time learning and there's more to input in my head (I think my giga bytes is almost full). This is my last day of technical training and I'm glad to say I passed it and ready for the next step SIMULATION.

LRT! What an EXPERIENCE!!!

To be honest, during my final interview I don't know how to get home. My final interview and training will be held in pasay just near NAIA and MIA road so I drag glenn to help me out on that (thank you for sving me my knight in brown cap) . I was so excited when glenn told me that we will take LRT that will take us to lawton where my bus ride back to cavite awaits. I'll be honest that is my first time ride train in the philippines. I'm like a kid if your going to ask glenn. He put smile on my face even though he make fun of me cos of being a first time rider. It's not a problem, still riding in the LRT first time with the person I love with me is an amazing experience. So since then I ride LRT to take me to lawton and I'm always excited it feels like its my firts time. It was a fun woosh ride. Go LRT!!!!

DETOUR WITH THE BEAR

The 5 days training I detour and visit glenn before going home. My day won't be complete if there's no glenn in the end of it. I went to pandacan and hangout with him and his family. I also love playing with enzo (glenn's nephew), cos of the way he speaks its really cute. I'm getting close to the kid so I'm happy that he's already kissing and hugging me even though he just called me by my name (cute kid). Me and glenn love to it burgers and donuts, and it wont be complete without any funny stories from my bebe.

At the END..

At the end of the day, end of the 5 days, take the bus ride and listen to my ipod till I fell asleep. It will be a long ride and when I got home all my energy was drained, so tired and exhausted. I felt like I've been far from home cos I'm always in manila morning to evening. Oh well! I learned a lot and got a chance to have 5 days manila life, but waits there more still got more 5 days and I hope I passed my simulation. I'll pray for it and I'll give my 200% best to get the job. Go for it Ivy!!!

My behavior is out of this world go and search for it, go find my brain I don't care...

Spark of Insanity: Valiant Spirit

2009-07-19T06:31:00.000-07:00

art by: willy lorbo

It's been a rough world, but look on the brightside in every darkness there's always a light. Happy world, Sad world. Turn it again and again its just the same. Choices. For every maze theres always an exit. LIFE IS A TEST I always chuckle; Everyday is a new day, everyday there's always challenges to face starting at waking up (bahala na sa kung anong oras nagigising). Sa pagmulat ng mata at pagbangon challenge na kagad yun. Next, battles to fight not in its truest sense. The world is a big battle field, our everyday living is a battle field. Every where you go there's always warfare. Not only that madami pa. You'll never close your eyes without finishing something on those what I've said excluding battles kasi maaring to be continue yun at sa susunod na araw na lang ulit itutuloy possible yun. Tell me franly, You'll never close your eyes if you wont learn something from those things. IMPOSSIBLE if not! Learning from that challenge or trials or test we have to know and discover. It wont stop until we breath our very last breathe. Again things to learn, to fix something broken, to mend a pain, to heal the wound, to discover, to prevent doing the same mistake over and over again. Come on! Open up your mind. Ok maybe most of us oufr every day life is just the same waking up in the morning, going to school/job, do hobbies, buy stuff, etc. You that every day the same thing YOU GET BORED. Hey! To tell you it takes just one step to change it all. Example Squidward Tentacles everyone knows this grumpy character in spongebob squarepants. There is this one episode that He moved out to tentacle village because he get tired of having two dumb neighbors. He wants to have a peace kind of life where he can do everything he wants starting from his hobbies. Moving on he did moved out. Its like heaven to him, all his neighbors are squid, they do biking evermorning, play clarinet in the park, buy your favorite food, dance and so it goes on like that every day and every day and every day. Ano nangyari? He get tired of doing the same thing, he gets bored. Then he sat in a bench very sad, but he saw a vacuum and tried to play with it, he giggles, he laugh and so on. See that? It really takes just one action to make a difference.

art by: kirozeng

Like the weather it changes depending on the month. But rain looking on its positive output its fun to look at it, its cold nice to sleep at night, the sound of dripping water. Somethimes it can become violent or just calm rain thing. We are the ones that are affected by it. It can change us. As you can see from the picture I will most likely choose the big panda bear and the person beside me can be Jesus Christ or the other way around I can be that person and God is the big panda bear. Cute huh? I love it actually. (nawawala ka na ivy. Di ko mapigilan weakness ko yung cuteness.LOL) Changing, from that word I learned a lot from what life I have, not only for this week but for my 20 years of life. I never close my door, my world to changes, improvement, growth and to maturity. God is been loving, just and faithful to His promises. Even though I do evil in his sight, I'm still overwhelmed by the fact that He loved me long before I met and loved him. But of course in my side I need to hate and avoid sinful lifestyle at all cost. He delivers mercy, He tested me through my very weakest points not to runaway from it but to have a valiant attitude to face it. I admit that most of the time I'm being approached by different situations that I never thought I'm becoming immature towards it. Naging bulag ako sa mga bagay na nakalatag kasi takot ako sa maaring magawa nito sakin pero dapat hindi. So I take an action or a step to make a difference. Sabihin natin hindi madali yun ganun talaga wala naman talagang madali noh! If life is a test syempre gusto ni God na mapasssed natin na yun no matter what. Di ba? Kaya natin yun. Sabi dun sa message kanina dun sa afternoon service naming mga youth (youth pa din ako.) God is present even in our adversity and "If your are ever in a furnace of adversity, there is only one way way to cope with the situation... and that is BY FAITH." Marami man ang hindi nakakaintindi pero may meaning naman yun sa dictionary. I'll be glad to share my faith if you guys want to know what it is. =)

There's always new things in our every day life generelly speaking, we just need guts to discover what are those things. Its a big world we have to be excited to know what is ahead of us or maybe its just around the corner. Who knows? Two side good or bad we need to face these two words that is in the world and still stand firm on faith we have. People might say its crazy but always remember its between you and God, and its between them and God. Don't also be afraid to face reality, we're still here on earth so we have to balance the world we have on everything. So its been quite a wild ride, but its more fun knowing that God is on the other sit with you.

Spark of Insanity: Stagnant Situation

2009-07-13T19:13:00.000-07:00

I'm trying not to think of anything and just leave my mind blank as it could be. Meditate the blankness, the broad side world of black. Or try to think of the world I'm dreaming of; the world of my own, building my own empire. What kind of world is that? Dun sa mga blog ko dati andun yung pagdefine ko ng mundong gusto ko galawan ng malaya. Maligayang nakahiga sa damohan at may tuwang pinapanuod ang asul ng langit, pinapakingan ang magandang tunog ng kalikasan, rumaragasang tubig, magagandang bulaklak na natatanaw ng aking mga mata. Ang gandang isipin at pangarapin. But to have that thought I felt very disappointed. You see people think its just a mere insanity and its impossible. I am disappointed to the humans when they think of those kind of things. I'll say NO, you're wrong. But if your still here in this earth I'm still be in the middle. When that time comes I'm already at peace, lying on my sleeping chamber. Now to say I want to make my brain dark as it could be, but when I see that place can't stop my mouth to release a small breathe of sigh. Its a wonderful world for me to imagine, to reach, I'm thinking if I want to have someone with me on it. I haven't thought of that yet. It seems that I am a lonely person in my entire life. For real! Happiness is choice, Where will you get it? When? To who? From who? (I'm trying to not to put any spiritual part here) All I want is to see everyone, everything happy and then I wonder if they'll forget me. I see myself tried everything then after that I'll be left out on the corner smiling at them, tried to join but they don't even know me. Aren't they so happy? Then I realize that I'm also thinking, waiting, and wanting to have someone who also wants me to be happy. The world itself covers with grief and despair. It cries can be heard everywhere, the pain can be felt from within. The world comes to its end. Poor thing I thought. As for me? still continue to live, have the best of everything and then who knows I might be happy too someday. I'm draining out with ideas my mind is out of place right now. Just a

(This is just a random boredome can't think of any blog to write. Too bad Ivy, too bad.)

Special Blogsode: Empty for Me to Complain

2009-07-10T09:03:00.000-07:00

What's bugging me? THE WORLD I guess I'm tired of the of the world the life I have the decision I'm making out the happiness to choose, the happiness I can't reach the boredome that dopes me its like a choking necklace a smothering pillow an assassin to my dream everything is like a killing machine. The 'me' between the lines, between that world The 'I' to describe for the people I speak, the people that lives The 'self' prisoned to people, chain to a caged. Honesty that hurts, for me its the happiness that exist Love is it really the greatest of all? Or just a mere random disaster? Being in an intersection of people to believe, to follow, to choose The existence of life I have is an assassination to my own being. The life I want is somewhere far from where I am right now A place that is nice, serene and wonderful A place that only in my dream exist A place hard to reach, but I want to try Tears rare to see Feelings hard to ignore Pain that haunts you Disappointment of others for you is a downfall How can I drag myself on such despair? I just don't know anymore The right of love to be wronged A nightmare is all I want to say Being tinted, being shaded, the spirit of creativity is such a mess. Me in an intersection road.

Vegetable Soup

2009-07-07T04:26:00.000-07:00

Daily Devotional Time Joshua 11 The Great Battle (vv. 1-12) >There is always a battle to fight with >There is no guarantee that after the great battle we are safe >For every battle, God's name is at stake The Great Blinders (vv. 13-22) >Sin always takes you farther than you want to go >Sin always keeps you longer than you wanted to stay >Sin always cost you mor than you were willing to pay (Every sin has consequences) "No matter what people believe sin will cost them, the price is always higher." The Great Blessings (vv. 6, 23) After conquering each battles and blinders there's always something greater in return >Security >Success "Success is God's man doing God's work in God's place."

Vegetable Soup

2009-06-28T05:39:00.000-07:00

Create in Me a Clean Heart, O God

Psalms 51

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love;

according to your abundant mercy

blot out my transgressions.

Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,

and cleanse me from my sin!

For I know my transgressions,

and my sin is ever before me.

Against you, you only, have I sinned

and done what is evil in your sight,

so that you may be justified in your words

and blamesless in your judgement.

Behold, I was brought forth iniwuity,

and in sin did my mother conceive me.

Behold, I delight in truth

in the inward being,

and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;

wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

Let me hear your joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice.

Hide your face from my sin,

and blot out allmy iniquities.

Create in me a clean heart, O God,

and renew a right spirit withing me.

Cast me not away from your salvation,

and uphold me with a willing spirit.

Then I will teach transgressors your ways,

and sinners will return to you.

Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God,

O God of my salvation,

and my tounge will sing about your righteousness.

O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth

will declare your praise.

For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I

would give it;

you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.

The sacrifices of God area broken spirit;

a broken and contrite heart, O God,

you will not despise.

Do good to Zion in your good pleasure;

build up to the walls of Jerusalem;

then will you delight in right sacrifices,

in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings;

then bulls will be offered on your altar.

Vegetable Soup

2009-06-22T03:40:00.000-07:00

Daily Devotional Time May 18 What Drives Your Life? This is my devotion last week until now. I've been distracted so sometimes I miss a day of the time I spent with God for quiet time. A time to hear, time to learn, time to grow, time to evaluate, time to share and time to live it out. It's a big question "What drives your life?"; this is my first time I'm going to blog my devotion and I'll be glad to share it. The book I'm using for my devotion is "Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren and Bible, I'm also writing a journal for every topic to study and evaluate at the same time for future sharing. "I observe that the basic motive for success is the driving force of envy and jealousy!" -Ecclesiastes 4:4 "The man without a purpose is like a ship without a rudder --- a waif, a nothing, a no man." -Thomas Carlyle What is the driving force in our life? When I was reading this I got blanked to the question not because nothing enters to my head, but because there's a lot of things struck my head. As I ask it repeatedly there's a lot of things drives my life problems, pressure, even deadlines. Also there's painful memory, haunting fear, or an unconscious belief. As I go through the topic Rick Warren shares 5 most common that drives an individuals life: Many people are driven by guilt 'Guilt' according to the dictionary its the fact of having committed a legal offeb\nse or trangressed the moral law. For my entire life, every bit of story of my life there's guilt and I always regret by shame. My very own memories are one that drives my life mostly there's often times that I can't move on because the I linger too much to the past that my future are already affected meaning I am sabotaging my own self 'cos of it. And the most crucial part I'm disconnecting myself to God. God's Solution: Purpose is not limited by our past - He turned a murderer named Moses into a leader -He turned a coward named Gideon into a courageous hero -He can do amzing things with the rest of our life, too. Bible Says: "What happiness for those whose guilt has been forgiven!...What relief for those who have confessed their sins and God gas cleared their record." -Psalms 32:1 Many People are driven by Resentment and Anger Ouch! This is a tough part resentment and anger (I'm being convicted here). I've been here and just got there. While evualting myself to these two from before and now there's a big gap or difference. It says to the book that people hold on to hurts and never get over them. Insted of releasing the pain through forgiveness, they repeat it over and over in their minds. Very unhealthy and unhelpful. That's go the same for me, I'm to resenting to people who hurt me even I tried to tell myself I'll move on still in the back of it I don't. It will only lead to bitterness, hate and anger. What happened? Nothing it just hurt me back repeatedly. Learning from mistake can't bite it will just take all time to realize where and how to start. FORGIVENESS might be out of our dictionary still to have peace of mind learn from and it take time to kneel and pray. "Those who have hurt you in the past cannot continue to hurt you now unless you hold on to the pain through resentment. YOUR PAST IS PAST! Nothing will change it. God's solution: For your own sake learn from it, and then let it go. Bible says: "To worry yourself to death with resentment would be foolish, senseless thing to do." -Job 5:2 Many people are driven by Fear Yes! Fear, all of us have fears either from a traumatic experience, unrealistic expectations, growing up in high-control homem, or even genetic predisposition. I myself are driven by traumatic experience. Dark past that stained my entire being, those time I'm almost at peek to giving up life. I'm blinded by it and never get the chance to see great opportunities before. I lock myself because I am afraid. Playing it safe, avoiding risks and trying to maintain statu quo. 'Fear' acoording to the dictionary it is the instinctive emotiona aroused by impending or seeming danger, pain or evil. In other term it become our self-imposed prison that will keep us frim becoming what God intentends for us to be. God's solution: Weapons of faith and love Bible says: "Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life --- fear of death, fear of judgement --- is one not yet fully formed in love." -1 John 4:18 June 07 Many people are driven by Materialism During the night of June 07 this topic hit me the post. Got lot of materials in my life that becomes my needs, necessity or what's worst the word WANTS. -Desire becomes the whole goal of life -Having more will make me more happy, more important, more secure Those 3's are untrue. Possessions only provide temporary happiness. Things do not change, we become bored with it, then we want newer, bigger, better versions. It's a myth that if I get more, I will be more important. (I think only few people think that now a days.) note: Self worth and net worth are not the same. Our value is not determined by our valuables. Another myth is having more will make me more secure (talking about money). Yes! Now a days money is important, but if the way of approah to it is different. We become greed people. Well secure definitely NOT! Wealth can be lost instantly through a variety of uncontrollable factors. God's solution: The most valuable things in life are not things! Real security can only be found in that which can never taken from you- your Relationship to God Many people are driven by the need for approval 'people conrol lives' -peer pressure -unpleasable parents We are always worried by what others might think. There's this phrase says, "Those who follow the crowd usually get lost in it." I agree to Rick Warren "One key to failure is to try to please everyone. Being controlled by the opinions of others." I've experienced that with people that I almost lay my life even my decision to them. God's Solution: Knowing His purposes There are other forces that can drive an individual's life but all lead to dead end: unused potential, unnecessaery stress, and unfulfilled life. God's purpose: Life guided, conrolled and directed. Bothing matters more that knowing God's purposes. Nothing matters more than knowing God' purposes for our life and nothing can compensate for not knowing thme- not success, wealth, fame, or pleasure. without a purpose, life is motion w/o meanin, eactivity w/o direction, and events w/o reason. W/o a purpose, life is trivial, petty, and pointless.

-RICK WARREN

It's The Worst Day Ever

2009-06-19T04:56:00.000-07:00

NEIGHBORS (Aliens where their Brains are in the Ass: Code Pile of Sh*t)

First time ko na magboblog dahil sa inis ako ngaung araw na toh. Hindi na toh mauulit sa ngalang ng siomai, cake, takoyaki, donut at chocolate. Gutom nako kaya ko sila naiisip. aside kay toinks sympre (miss you). Hindi dapat siya worst masaya dapat talaga ko kasi nameet ko yung training manager ng aking Dad and her name is Mrs. Ferlyn Leyson. My dad referred me to her para makapag apply ako sa other job which is sa hotel sabihin na natin malaki influence niya pagdating sa Hotel and F & B industry. Possible na makakuha ako ng another job through her. She is very accommodating and kind, kwento about sa job niya sa barko at tungkol sa dad ko. Love my dad! After nun nagshopping kami ni mama for my corporate attire cos one of these days isasama ko ni Ma'am Ferlyn sa mga hotel affiliates niya under her associate bilang manager. WOW! big time si mamu! Bonding moment na din namin ni mama pag nagshopping. Minsan lang kasi din kami nakakapagusap ng maaus or nakakasama kasi lagi ako wala sa bahay kaya ayun. It was a good day though mainit lang talaga at nakakairata sa pakiramdam ang ganun. Aside dun masaya ang araw mo kasi katext mo yung friend mo at di nakakalimot magshare ng mga dark secrets sayo at pinkaimporante yung tinetext ka ng taong malapit mo ng maging kabiyak ng puso. Edi ang saya ko nun, nakahills ako, nakashades kasi mainit, nakaayos para presentable ako sa harap ni Ma'am. Lalo ako naging masaya kasi text pa din, shopping at nagunaw ng pauwi na kasi tinamad na si mama.LOL

Anyways baket nga ba naging bad at worst and day ko bago mag gabi? It's about our ffffff neighbors. First, I'll teach you some information bout neighbors. There are two types: Good and Bad neighbors. So lets start shall we?

Neighbor 101

If you have good neighbors darn you're so lucky to have one

If you have bad neighbors I know its bad, but amhran morbid is on the run she thinks of assassinating them by using a sniper rifle "Heckler and Koch" PSG-1 tig isa silang headshot. Papasabugin ko makitid nilang utak. Pero baka hindi na kasi mas gusto ko gamitin sa medyo high level type na target kaysa sa kanila.

(I'm really pissed off as of now)

If your neighbors are good they will definetly be in parties and stuff

If your neighbors are bad sorry but your being isolated and we don't want any makitid na utak sa party at sobrang binabagyo na sa kayabangan

If your neighbors are good they sure are good to talk to and be with especially sa outing kasi tropa na kayo

If your neighbors are bad sorry maglaway kayo dyan, mamatay pa kayo sa ingit (crap this is not ivy)

If your neighbors are good they share stuff

If not PRIDE yun pare PRIDE at mayabang kasi kaya naman daw nila yun mas matindi pa

Lets cut the section. I'm pissed correct tuloy amhran is engaging. What happened ba? Ok kanina me, my mom and my youngest brother are enjoying the breeze so tambay kami sa labas ng bahay kundi naman tigok tong kapit bahay namin yung inaayos ni mama na trash nila na nilagay sa garbage bag ng maaus sa tapat nila kasi ang kalat ayun tinapon samin kaya si inay na highblood kanino kamo? Heide pangalan niya nagaaral ng Law at matalino pero nasa ass yung brain napaka unreasonable nung ginawa niya at nakipag bakbakan ng salita kay mama. WOW Nose bleed ako kasi english to highest level of atoms.LOL. Ayun pati yung mga kapatid naki resback poor mama. For my mom's side she was just trying to clean kasi hindi maganda sa site even though territorry nila yun still she tried to clean their craps. Pero nasabihan pa si mama na wag mangealam, walang modo, pumapatol sa bata at abuso dahil wala daw ang kanilang magulang. I don't see any abuse. So my mom throw their trash back pero what did they do is sinunog nila which is anti sa environment, di ako pede sa smoke kasi may hika ako sa ganun at pumapasko sa bahay pero they still did first winalis nila yung trash at pinuno dun malapit samin dinamihan nila with dry leaves at sinunog so napakabad talaga. A lot of words are said, hurtful words pa. Hinamon pako na lumabas sabi ko hindi ako nakikipagaway pero pag yun sinapak ko basag maganda niyang mukha ako pa hinamon. Tae pala siya (amhran mode) so ayun sabi ko may pinagaaralan pa naman siya LAW pa ganun attitude at out of this world mga sinasabi. Darn neighborhoods! Wala din silang respeto sa matanda and kitid ng utak. Darn iT! Ayun they still keep on shouting sabi ko "blah blah blah, ge lang keep it coming i'm listening" kasi I told my mom wag na siya magsalita at ako na. LOL tahimik siya kasi she will never win pag ako nang asar yung pagiging law niya baka LAWmabas sa pwet niya. Ayun so my brother josh napperwisyo din dapat buhusan ng tubig yung sinusunog medyo scaredy cat lang si mama kaya sinabihan niya ng wag. We're trying to defend ourselves to this kind of people kasi di talaga maganda. Yung sight sobrang disturbing. I know God can see me and he knows I'm angry, and I know na may mali din kami pero mahirap kasi of you won't fight back since matagal ng may warfare sa mundo. makibaka na din "Fight A Good Fight".

Dati na silang ganyan maga taga mindoro Occ sila before. Honestly speaking before they are good and we're friends yun nga lang dahil napunta sila sa urban world parang nagiba na din attitude they see us as LOW LIFE PEOPLE. Di lang yan mga ginawa nila. Chismis sa dad ko, sa mom ko, sakin grabe. Stab talaga sa back. You're being nice pero once nakuha na nila yung gusto mo ay nako they already eating you up without noticing. I'm not really that good in cold wars, mas okay kung sapakan talaga di ako nananabunot nagbabasag ng panga at binibigyan ng malaking shade sa mukha para may art.

Well sure last na yung pagsusunog nila LAW vs LAW. I'm maybe a bird brain pero reasonable ako pagdating sa mga harrasment at di maganda makitungo. They're trying my patience so be it. They'll meet amhran sooner than expected.BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Its the worst day ever!!!!!!

Special Blogsode: Hello There Job

2009-06-15T22:21:00.001-07:00

Hello! Ivy here. Welcome to my new special Blogsode mwah mwah sugoii!! Today is a ver special blogsode entitled HELLO THERE JOB (sugoii!). I'll be touring you around about my ehem Job. So please make yourself comfortable and enjoy this lifeless blogsode.

I've dream of a world different from I have right now. Quiet and serene, beautiful and unimaginable where you feel felicity in the wind. But thats not the blog is about. Its about what I vision out in the world of my first job. Ivy as a "tour guide" not that much of an interest, but for me its going to be a hell of an adventure. These are my workmates. I'll be spending my entire year with them. These pictures are taken during TO event celebration stuff. It happened June 13, 2009 and that is saturday. Can't you believe it I dance single ladies as a game for the TO people. I'm really not into dancing, but I have to be in my performance level big boss is checking our levels of self-esteem and how long will we go. There's 4 of us new in the group and the boss introduce us to the TO cos we'll be spending time with them during tourdays (I'm so excited). One thing I need to learn belly dancing soon as possible.LOL. So my friday blast is a bomb! Had fun though.

It wont be that fun if theres no photoshoot of Ivy in the scene. My friend Jason got the camera so its time for me to POSE. I'm modeling that time (introducing the new tourguides). Look at that big smile oh and world peace.

That's our uniform excluding the skirt just the upper part. Am i look like a kid? A lost beggar? I look like I'm selling sampaguita in the street. School girl Ivy. Nice. Moving on, if theres a camera there will be a photoshoot lets heat things up a little shall we?

I love taking pictures and being also in the pictures. Since I'm a cosplayer I guess I found it very fun for me. (why didn't I become a model? Hmmm I don't know.) But I hope in the future I will even I lack in height still I got the style. Love the last one I look like a ningyo there.

Ok the blogsode aren't over yet there's more pictures. After the dance, the introducing and stuff and I'm so exhausted honestly, we play for a bit and take photos while resting.LOL. Is that really a rest? Pose here, Pose there.

Ooh lala ROUND 1 Fight!

See the pictures above? We're just finished doing our number so we decided to take a rst by taking pictures. Glad they also love photo.LOL. Again they are my workmates, we have miel, rj, xandy, azi, jefafa, jill and me. Hulaan na lang kung sino sila sa pictures. Don't you know I like boxing and I like watching Ippo because of that.

ZAIDO STYLE models chillax GIRLS ONLY

More pictures, more fun. 50/50 or almost 90.

So thats for today's blogsode. Hope you enjoy the pictures I've got more of them but these are the highlights. This is my first special blogsode so probably in the near future there will be more blogsode so keep in touch and I will be happy to keep you updated. MWAH MWAH SUGOII!! : >

(its so boring..)

PHOTO MEME: Chopseuy Journal Pt. 2

2009-06-14T03:18:00.000-07:00

Welcome to photo meme part 2 bragging about my crazy things in life. Hope you enjoy the following unnecessary things I'm going to show. Right now, I'm already dead bored about it. Wee excited (sarcasm).

What's the picture all about? The motion. I love movies, I love watching and just chill around. Couch potato person most of the time. My all time favorites are Forrest Gump, Gladiator, Diehard, Facing the Giants, A Walk To Remember and Big Fish. There's still a lot of them I'll just sum I love all of it!They're just my favorite but of course I still love other movies as for my predicament. Those adrenalin rush and my hindi madrawing na mukha.haha.. Emotion baby that's what you get when your with me when watching movies.lol. What kind of movie I like? It falls in everything name it horror/ horror comedy, comedy/ comedy drama, romance, love story, heart warming, action, fantasy, GORE (love it when i say it!) As long as it's a movie then I'll watch it alone or with you. Mwah!

BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS!!! only few actually I want to collect some but I'm just a poor girl. =( but I love books. I will be very specific to it 'cos I hate some of them especially books for STUDYING!!!! But I still love books! I love sci-fi and weird kind of novels or story. I'm collecting Jeff Lindsay's Dexter cos I love its goreness. There's Murukami's book Norwegian Wood a friend share it to me and it's insanely an out of this world novel, but love it. We have also a ghost book over there the black one. I love Dan's Brown creation. I still got time to collect and fill my book shelf with BOOKS!!! Now that I have my eye on Paulo Coehlo's Collection. Sorry bout the display aren't that angel in the can cute? Moving on "don't judge the book by its cover"

keep me posted! I do stick some notes in my wall. My post it is about a memory verse, what I feel, what's the quote for the day, reminders, some phrases, the big one below is my contract I made it May 2005 it's a contract between me and God. Keeps reminding me of what lies ahead. I also have a letter somewhere there well its not in there you'll see it when you enter my room. So keep me posted! ; )

WHAT I DO?TADAAAAA!!! my master pieces. I made those things during college and I just draw if I felt the urges to draw. I like them all even though I'm not that good in coloring still I can manage to make them lively. Do they look lively? LOL.. I still appreciate my drawings. LOVE YOU GUYS.

Spend my entire day or night watching these little monster. All those homocide, murders, and all those mind-buggling cases. Adding some new series like Criminal Minds and Prison Break oh I love them so much. The lastest one is my newest ever and first time comedy series The Big Bang Theory. All I can say is that they are super good actors and intelligent for the character. Love the guns too.. I won't get enough or magsasawa sa panonood.

WHAT I LOVE?

My buddies. Yep thats right they're my cuddly pillow. They're much better than human cos they don't move and they're cute. They're my weakness. My very own kryptonite. T.T

Ah yes yes! I'm a huge sweet tooth girl. These are my favorite dessert. Chocolate, ice cream, candies, milk tea, donuts and CAKE!!!!!!!! i'm going to be insane. GET THE STRAIGHT JACKET!!!!

Did I ever told you I love to hug and be hugged back? NO. Okay so heres the picture as a proof that I am fonded in hugs. See that its even for sale hugs for 5 cents and before I mean it. How bout now? Well things change, FREE HUGS FOR ALL *squeeze!!!*

PHOTO MEME: Chopseuy Journal pt. 1

2009-06-11T07:48:00.000-07:00

AMHRAN'S INFO INVASION Ahoy there mate! I am Ivy a.k.a AMHRAN. We will be having a good tour about my indigenous living. What is AMHRAN? amhran means "song of the wind" She is my alter-ego, part of me being a morbid, so amhran + morbid = amhran morbid. An evil side of me. Further information I am terribly trying my very best to be a smart or intelligent type of human, but I can't I have a small, squishy brain stuck inside my bonehead. so moving on: Name: Ivy Nicknames: Ivychan, bibay, bibs, ibe, amhran, teats, hoy Age: 21 Status: Single Likes: Food: chocolate (any kind), milk tea, cake, french vanilla, cookies, carbonara, pizza, tuna sandwich, sisig, coffee, burgers Movies Books Music CSI Games HappyTreeFriends Hates: rude people Love: long walks, family and friends, GOD Height: 5'2 Weight: 45lbs Birthday: August 22, 1988 That's me on the picture!! I am a part-time cosplayer. Why? What's the problem? Time & Money, for me its really a hassle having no time and money on cosplaying. I just wish I am rich. I'm getting old you know. I started cosplaying during my 2nd year in college and thanks to the influence of my loving organization GENSHIKEN. I love cosplaying and ANIME related things. However, don't ask me that much about it cos I'm stupid when it comes to question.lol. Taadaa!! My beautiful wardrobe. On the left side are my Sunday dresses, Gala dresses and shirt, I've got my pants on the upper right corner, sweater on the left, all my under garments are just below hiding. I have my scarf and belts hanging on the cabinet door. In the right side are my house garments and the upper part are my souvenir shirt from different places during college tours. Next, is my normal shirts and last are my shorts, PJS, jogging pants, etc. All of them should be in the right place. or else it'll be my doom! Even though people think I'm boyish which is so ghay to think. I'm still a girl (I like guy) who loves to shop for bags and shoes. So here's my bags and shoes well not all of them though. All of my stuff are scattered around my room that's why my mom hates looking inside the cave.hahaha. Whenever I go to malls I don't like walking around in bag areas or in shoes. T.T you'll know why. I need straight jacket as much as possible. CALL CALL CALL. They're my collectibles too. Yes they are! They are little brain washing machine. You see, I spend my entire day watching CSI in my portable, then spend the night listening to music in my ipod morning till dawn, then I've got my mickey looking MP3/USB to keep some important files, last my cellphone for texting and calling important people (I hate GMS). The stereo is my DAD's gift to me its like 5 or 6 years old. You see they've become an alien hosting at my body. My question is, are they my necessity? I don't know anymore, I don't have any brain cells left doing this.

To be continued...

_____________________________________________________________________________________ Hope you enjoy my photo meme craze today. My bed is paging me now so I have to go and live this for awhile. I still got the 2nd part so wait till tomorrow. I hate this blog (sarcasm).

Whole Sunday Fever: Blogging is what I missed..

2009-06-07T20:12:00.000-07:00

Monday Torment Day I didn't get the cnance to make my FRIDAY FEVER BLAST. I hate our broadband according to a friend my net is ekis! Geez where did he get that expression, I can't imagine. So the week is very exhausting and lonely NO INTERNET FOR IVY. The stupidity of technology and disadvantages of the rural location. I say I am a cave girl. Monday torment day, June 07, 2009 I forgot my umbrella too bad for me, I wear my favorit jacket and thats so good to me. I love rain so sorry for me if I get sick. My sunday fever blast! I am terrible not in the game for the kids so I surrender, I am defeated with their highly intelligent naughtyness and super advance power of noise; they get in my nerves and they're too smart to handle by a poor teacher like me. I shouted "Ok! I've had enough, kill me oh young ones." Honestly they're cute, but I can't handle the truth they are mechanical young people who can invade you in a bit you step into their world. I AM DOOMED. So my sunday fever quite fun, hanging out with out of this world friends with their seriousness of jokes are a pain in my stomach. The heat is always on me and I became a cry baby. Poor Ivy she cried on their small group. I learned a lot you know, but I have a baby on me so while listening I'm singing for her to sleep. She is my goddaughter named HALLEl. She's a cute, chinita kid, but hardly smile. So I am short time baby sitter and a listener, and a judge. I'm getting tired for this. Have to go.. Ja ne!

Early Morning Fever

2009-05-31T09:34:00.000-07:00

Thursday Special Night It started on the day of Thursday. Just stayed here at the house watching movies and surf the net all day. But of course I have toinks on the other line, sure my cellphone are alive in every beep of his message. I just wait... lol. The day continues and I'm so bored, I can feel the pressure of doing nothing and I'm tired of doing nothing. So far things are okay when toinks just there talking to me. By night toinks called, we've been on the cell for a long time till dawn breaks "akatsuki" according to him or "itachi" oh ow I'm dead I forgot! I'm so not listening to him, but i am.. its just that its already early morning and I'm too jolly and happy to be stuck on the phone. Continuing, Toinks sang to me there composition entitled lois where i founded really beautiful. He sang it to me while I'm just there quiet, listening. I've recorded some few lines as my remembrance. I'll be screwed if he finds that out. Moving on, I'm wide awake till morning, INSOMNIA one of the reason I guess. We talked about lot of stuff, I get the chance to know him, what he likes, dislikes, share few stories. It was fun though. Super hyper at the highest level. For the entire conversation He always pick on me and I think his fond doing that, good thing I'm not pikon...lol.. well just a bit. What more? Hmm let see its a lot but I have to keep it, I want to keep a promise that everything we talked about will always be top secret..lol.. too exaggerating. Before me and toinks hung up I asked him if he could sing me a lullaby before we go to bed. At first he was totally shy, but that is his first time singing on the phone. What song did he sing? One of my favorite of course Learning to Breathe by Switchfoot. He sang while me on the other line listening with eyes shut closed, listening, just listening. I don't want to hung up but both of us are tired and probably I'm going to miss him. But we have to sleep. Before I closed my thursday to early morning friday fever blog I want to plug my upcoming blog AI YUME it will be also in the story book of nightmare. The blog will be probably take awhile to finished, its my dream and for the first time I really enjoyed that dream. I can't wait to share it. So till next time I still have my Friday Fever blog hopefully tomorrow i'll post it soon as possible. CIAO! <3

Happy Tree Friends

2009-05-28T20:07:00.000-07:00

Cute Cuddly TERRIBLY MORBID This the Cartoon Violence I can't get enough. Cute but terribly gone wrong. They look so adorable, too bad they always got their selves in a pinch. lol! Love them this is my FRIDAY FEVER!!! My favorite character is flippy of course. Flippy is a green male bear with dog tags and a green beret with checkered crest, and camo shirt. There is evidence to suggest that he fought in the Vietnam War, particularly his obsession with making booby traps inspired by the Viet Cong, as well as a flashback of his experience of being held captive by them.

Flippy has a severe case of post traumatic stress disorder. Also, while fighting in the Vietnam War, he was exposed to a chemical known as Agent Orange. Whenever he sees or hears something that he associates with violence or that reminds him of war (e.g., ketchup, gunshot-like sounds, sharp objects, airplanes or crackling campfires), he goes insane, becomes extremely aggressive and kills everyone around him, believing that he is still in war. While insane, several physical features about him change: his eyes turn a different color, usually green or yellow, his voice changes from high and cute to low and evil, and his teeth become sharp. In the early Internet shorts, his teeth became crooked. He first developed this aggressive change after facing a life and death state while hiding in the dead body of one of his friends as shown in one of his War Journals. And supposedly throughout every other war he has been in his disorder, and it had had been consuming/controlling himself more frequently.

Although Flippy can be the most cruel and dangerous character in Happy Tree Friends, his good side is considered to be one of the most sociable and kindest of characters. This is proven in several episodes where he is seen doing social activities with some of the other characters such as going to the movies and playing hide and seek. In most of the episodes where he appears, he is shown as a friendly and social before he goes crazy, or should many people say "flipping-out." Also, after he "flips-out", he does not remember the bloody rampage that follows. (wikipedia.com) I've downloaded their podcast and my ipod went crazy on them. Watch as they tore each and every one of them into pieces. evil laugh. well thats all for to now. Spread the love.

Vegetable Soup

2009-05-28T01:02:00.000-07:00

Wednesday Fever So the day went by and I felt so irritated. I hate the weather, I hate the problems all girls have.. aside boys problem and love life and clothes, style etc., who the hell care anyway?! i am a moron. Geez i don't know how long will I take the heat, the heat is on me. I'm watching happy tree friends they're so cute and cuddly and morbid. I LOVE FLIPPY by the way all those cuteness wear off whenever he hears noises that reminds him of the war. quite fascinating!!!! Honestly, I don't have any ideas to write a story for the story book of my nightmare. I have this dream last night and its a scene from saw movies. I'm with my friends and other unknown humans and I'm on chain and the others are in some kind of I don't know and we only got 5min to get out on that place or else will be torn into pieces. SCARY?? GORE?? nah its an adventure, i felt the adrenalin rush then suddenly I woke up to be continued. I hate pushing myself to create something if the spirit of creativity flown away in my body. Too bad it will take awhile for me to create a piece. So now what? I don't know, why I keep asking myself? I don'y know why I'm blogging this. I'm desperate, I want to go out, I need to see place, I want to go to the museum, starcity, walk and walk and walk.. gaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrr.. flippy style!!!!! ooh I'm watching snowmagnet's podcast. So i know all of them, but not all of them. I already singing there song felicity "living up, but going down, movin' on but does not make us sound we're hanging on to a falling ground. better look at what we've left behind, living up, but here we are.. bless our felicity.." If I'm going to sing this song in front of them they're probably and i'm 100% percent sure they will make faces and kick my butt out..haha. just joking. well i got it in a higher notes cos the vocals has a higher notes so i'm trying his notes so i can get the note. oooohhh girl version of felicity.. hey eeke??? can we cover your song?? our version?? of course we need your permission?? right?? one more thing all of them are cute. no doubt about it. so im thinking.......... now cut..

End Of Conversation

"I Love You" Action Statement

2009-04-24T02:46:00.000-07:00

Picture by: Hermosa G

I am patient with you because I love you and want to forgive you.
I am kind to you because I love you and want to help you.
I do not envy your possessions or you gifts because I love you and want you to have the best.
I do not boast about my attainments because I love you and want to hear about yours.
I am not proud because I love you and want to esteem you before myself.
I am not rude because I love you and want to meet your needs.
I am not self-seeking because I love you and want to meet your needs.
I am not easily angered by you beacuse I love you and want to overlook your offenses.
I do not keep a record of your wrongs because I love you, and "love covers a multitude of sins."

-Discpline of Grace

People are World’s Strangest Creatures

2009-04-20T02:35:00.000-07:00

There are indefinite things in this world that remain unexplained. No matter how weird it is, mankind will always observe it. It will always be so with mankind. It is the imagination and the past. People are world's strangest creatures. Person, Mankind, People. Sometimes I don't understand the way they feel in human, in things, in nature. For me, it become random and uncertain.

I, you, them. EVERYONE, you don't belong only to yourself; there isn't anything in this world that belongs to only yourself. Everyone has connections to someone else and shares comething with them through these; that is why you can never be free that is also why it is amusing, sad, and dear. Giving up for others, saving them not for your own sake but for others; how fascinating in sight? Is that a selfish act? You, an important part of their life get hurt just for their sake, just to make them feel better. But never come to realize that you hurt them by doing so, throwing your own well-being out just like that. Do you think something you can throw out easily can be exchanged for something important? Even someone trying to give their best for you, trying their very hard, yet we just throw that out without a second thought. In other words, the person that protect us from something you treat as trash for their sake, so you wouldn't care just make sure they are allright even you are harmed. People who think of you dearly; without even understanding that, you don't give any value to your own. You dislike others being hurt, yet you allow yourself to be wounded. Without even knowing how much it may hurt someone else who cares for you. Somehow it is painful to watch, to feel and to realize how they would work upon living. It occurs to me that things will never work out not unless there is something in exchange.

Prophetic dream that's what I thought of many times. A dream that becomes reality, or more accurately, a dream that sees what is going to occur. People who pay for nightmares are few and far between those people who less care, less to listen, and less to see. If there are people who wish for tranquility, it becomes a farewell present to the deceased. Do you believe in destiny? Destiny refers to an event that would definitely happen. Without it nothing is impossible. From one thing, you see many other things can be imagined. nothing in this world happened by random. For everything you desire, you have to pay an equal price in return. You can't get more nor give more, it can't be more or less. Must be in balance, or else there will be mishaps. Whether it is a meeting by chance or a major event, every occurence will affect the future, because a man's path of life is not only unstoppable but also never ending. The smallest thing, the shortest amount of time, the littiest piece of record or memory; the fate that accompanies it will never disappear. The world even though it is very small to those who understand it is quite large.

"Me, as someone that should not be there. Someone should not be in people's live in ahead. Painful..." -anonymous

What meaning is there be if everything is inevitable? There is meaning and purpose in everything that happens. However, is all too rare for anyone to understand the entire meaning. To find meaning in each of the unaccountable events happening everyday to every person it vexes the mind by considering it. However, even realizing that single event may have meaning in itself that alone has significance. I believe asking one self why has its own meaning once you realize that all these circumstances lead you down a path, that knowledge sticks with you and you're unable to turn back. the next step is wherever you choose to have that will to survive. Then allusion will get in the way.

For in allusion never indicate similarity nor do they indicate dissimilarity. Projecting your own emotion onto others is so very easy to do and easy to sway. Mending there own emotion both by simpathy and empathy are highly dangerous. One might become dependent and end up sticking to the person and hate others that do not do the same treatment. That is something most treasures can't even accomplish these days. Malice is far more rousing than gentleness. Human always define unreachable things like words unseen yet spoken. As long as we know that's enough.

Coincidence plays the fool out of us, coincidence is but an illusion in this world. There inevitability in everything. How about chances? Chances is an occurende that cannot be accounted for by any pattern of cause, and effect, nor by the working of providence; unintentional fortuitous. Then how will that works? It is too heavy to think of. So then it became our habit, a need to be conscious of it, and if a person does not want to get rid of it, then it cannot be gotten rid off.

Right at the moment I make this story, I'm listening to this song. I've heard it before and often times. But I heard it again when I'm with some couple of friends. I find it very wonderful "Fill my heart with song and let me sing forever more. You are I long for..." Lovely. It calms me somehow just by listening to it and it become now a distraction for me to think of right words to write down. A strange feeling, missing someone is what I hate the most. The word Forgotten, to a person who doesn't care about things or what is lost even if I were to tell what do or that, it would have been same what is good, what is bad depends on the person which to forget.

People are world's strangest creatures. You might think so, but it might be true. If you believe so, then it's decided. If you don't believe it, then it can be changed. The meaning of the world looks very broad, but it's actually very narrow. There are limits of sight, limits of hearing, limits of touch, and the limits of feeling. Critical Thinking...

(xxxholic)

Come Home

2009-04-09T20:09:00.000-07:00

[Verse 1]

Hello world

Hope you're listeningForgive me if I’m young

For speaking out of turn

There’s someone I’ve been missing

I think that they could be

The better half of meThey’re in their own place trying to make it right

But I’m tired of justifying

So i say you’ll..

[Chorus]

Come home

Cause I’ve been waiting for you For so long

For so long

And right now there's a war between the vanities

But all i see is you and me

The fight for you is all I’ve ever known

So come homeOooh

[Verse 2]

I get lost in the beauty

Of everything i see

The world ain’t as half as bad

As they paint it to beIf all the sons

If all the daughters

Stopped to take it in

Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin

It might start now..Yeahh

Well maybe I’m just dreaming out loud

Until then

[Chorus]

Come home

Cause I’ve been waiting for you

For so longFor so long

And right now there's a war between the vanities

But all i see is you and me

The fight for you is all I’ve ever known

Ever known

So come home

Oooh

[Interlude]

Everything i can’t be

Is everything you should be

And that’s why i need you here

Everything i can’t be

Is everything you should be

And that’s why i need you here

So hear this now

[Chorus]

Come home

Cause I’ve been waiting for you

For so long

And right now there's a war between the vanities

But all i see is you and me

The fight for you is all I’ve ever known

Ever known

So come home

Come home

The Feeling is Just Absurd

2009-04-08T20:49:00.000-07:00

"girl" by kalkulations

I've fought with my own feelings, fighting in the battle I don’t even know if I’m going to win. The danger were I put myself into is just to accomplish the dream to have someone who will protect me, love me, and understand me; a person who will never let me go, living in his warm arms, wipping the tears I’m shedding and mending my heart every time he bid a smile. An intent I want to keep for my own sake. When I realize that I’m bringing the fool out of me since the start; I felt the awkwardness of my selfish acts. I blame no one and I don't know if I have the right to say its my fault. Not that I only want to loose it but I also want everything about the feelings to vanish. I’ve had enough of the rejection, the sleepless night that haunts me (most of the time); the feeling isn't just not normal even though it is the most wonderful thing in this world, but it only cause negative vibes in my veins. I admit I become blind were thoughts tell me it will change soon, of that someone will notice me someday. I’m just disillusioning myself to make the hurt go away, for me to feel better. But in reality it didn’t, so I fell on my own trap and get stuck, stuck to the feelings I thought it was real. Now, I’m the one who’s in pain in the end. But I never put a period on it instead I choose, choose between the dream and the reality, choose between me and that someone, I’ve got to CHOOSE, CHOOSE, CHOOSE!!! Since I’m standing now in the real world this is my chance to explore that world, the world I want to see, the places I want to go and my adventure I want to reach without someone holding me back from it (Not generally). I can’t say I’m alone; there will always be friends around to tap with (future friends). I have to leave the feelings, leave what I have left behind and face the countless opportunities in the future (but of course the left behind is something to learn and keep with, but no longer to dwell with ^^,). So this is my hope, I might lost the battle, but I learn to stand this is not my battle. Surrendering doesn’t mean I’m weak is just the way of telling my self this is not my victory; there’s always more battles ahead. This time I shouldn’t let my guard down. I’ve become a coward and just stick to my comfort zone, afraid. Not anymore. I’ve had enough; I went out knowing the adventure that awaits me. I can no longer put my heart at stake! Don’t want to be stupid anymore (maybe most of the time stupity can reasonable), and I will never ever face the floor again, but instead look up, plant my feet on the rock, and face that future with a smile and healthy heart... (This just an advisory. uuhm Not really! I love takoyaki ^^,)

Mundong Magkaiba, Sa Isipan..

2009-04-06T18:40:00.000-07:00

"A dull world" by AmaterasuOmikami Ako'y nagninilay-nilay sa mundong pati iba'y ginagalawan. Sarili'y nakatitig sa lugar na nababalutan na ng dilim. Ano ba't nandito ako at nakaupo, isipang nagtatanong, isipan din naghahanap ng sagot. Mag gagabi na at nandito pa rin ako. Kay sarap naman dito, ito lang nagagawa ang bagay na di gingagawa ng iba marahil nakakapagod nga gumawa ng ganto. Isipang nabubulok sa wala. Balik sa pagtanong at pagtingin sa mundong sinisilayan na ng dilim. Patuloy sa pagisip, lumilipad sa kawalan. Buntong hininga lang aking binigay sabay ngiti na parang may nagsabi ng biro, may naalala lamang sa nakaraan. Sa pagisip ko bibig simulang magbigay tono "hmmm hmmm mmm hmmm hmm" humahanap ng tamang salita hindi magawa. Patuloy sa pagkantang walang salita, patuloy pa din sa pagtingin ko sa paligid na di mawari ang kalungkutang binibigay nito. Tignan mga taong pagod na din sa mundo, tignan mga taong masayang ginagawa ang gusto "gusto ko pang mabuhay" dinig nila sa kanilang isipan. Bawat isa may sariling mundong gingalawan, sa sarili nakatago nais gawin ng pasikreto. Mundo nila ninanais ding gumalaw sa mundo ng iba.

Pinikit ang mata hindi na mataiim ng sarili ang nangyayari, tumingin sa itim na lingit may mga butil na kumikinang, mga talang tila nakadikit lang. Naisip ko may kagandahan parin sa dilim kung ika'y titingin, pag-asa ang tamang salita. Ang gandang pagmasdan mula sa aking kinauupuan, aking kamay sinubukang abutin mga bituing nakasabit. Buntong hininga lamang sa mundong sawa ng titigan, sawa ng kalagyan. Kung dapat may gawin pag-asa at paraan dapat pairalin. Iwan ang di kayang magawa, humarap sa mundo ng kinabukasan maabot lamang ang lugar ng kasiyahan na hangad. Mula sa kinauupuan ako'y tumayo, tumigil saglit upang siyasatin ang kinauupuang wala ng buhay at huling silay sa mundo at sila sabay ngiti upang magpaalm "sa uulitin"...

A Story Book of My Nightmare

2009-04-06T18:38:00.000-07:00

A Story Book of My Nightmare

2009-04-06T01:05:00.000-07:00

"dream within the dream"

Chapter 6

Interrogation Dream

Do the lesser we think, do we started to be stupid? Or just stow out and run from it? For me it depends, I’ve been on some situation and did different kinds of things to surpass it. I didn’t get the chance to run away or even hide. All I always do is go straight ahead without even thinking. So these dreams either become my reality to be questioned, an obstacle, a test paper, a pop quiz of my life WHATEVER! Grinding my head for an answer that I don’t even know how to answer, so much for my nightmare. I can relate it to a song Violet Skies sang by In this Moment. Talked about dreams and realities. "Dulling from within to find a reason for it allLost for yearsIn the stormWaiting for the rain to stop me from washing me awayI held on tightAwaiting nightAnd I lay me down to sleepAnd find a world where I was freeImagine a placeWhere dreams lead the wayAnd all of your colors fade the greyImagine the dreamNow close both your eyesFall into the violet skiesDeep inside your eyes it showsYou've been lost for too longOut of touchOn the edgeI promise you will find a wayI found a pathway homeI'll carry youYou're not alone" Wishful thinking, confession, or just sleep to erase everything and face a new day again. But according to the song imagine a place where you can be free or a place where it can lead you somewhere. I’ve dreamed of my own world, a perfect world. That’s my great escape, my feelings between the lines. I’ve believed. Life doesn't end in death. God knows what road I should walked in, now it falls on my decision, but I won’t know it not unless I do it. I talked to my discipler,she’s the wife of our pastor. I agreed to what she said, we can never feel any satisfaction or contenment in our entire life; that's what I felt every day and every moment. And for me life seems to be always at its end after a very long day. The hours of my sleep is like my own death and there is my heaven and hell My Dream. We, somehow always feel the needs of more. I must say she's terribly right. I consider myself as no contenment person that I have the eager to do or have more. I’ve been facing many obstacles for the past few years, struggles in life to know at the point of it hey! I'm alive and still trying to. That's the thing similar to the events I encountred in this life, my own physical & emotional survival then my spiritual survival. At this any rate I shouldn’t give up there some instances the three clashed and I can feel it, then the decision will enter. The twinge is exaggerated itself yet overwhelming at the end.Whenever I sit or lie down in my bed with the book in my hand and a song played at the stereo that makes an eerie feeling, I moved on I like it that way or just watch a movie to kill time. Theres always a sudden flash back my life especially during the time when I was young. Well I already dominated the fact that it is done and that I’ve already moved on, still I’m going to share it anyway. I’ve got lot to tell but I don’t know if I’m going to open it up so I’ll say it in a different way. Little by little I shared my tragedy on those people I know I can trust with. My younger years are the drakest ever in my life well there’s another one but I’ll stick up to the other one im telling right now. That is my elegy and misery. I am born normal but I got sick and almost die when I was four thank God I’m still alive and wrting this. I grow up normal, happy, playful, painting a smile, making friends, learning, opening my eyes to the world. I still remember how I enjoyed my childhood together with my family and neighborhood-family like. I felt cared and loved by people surrounds me. Everyday they cuddle me and play with me, dolls, street games, a lot, but there's always some thing that will hurt me and like everyone says storm is always on its way. I thought I’m just hallucinationg but a terrible thing really happened to me and every moment of my life I regret it, I hate it, I have that anger in my heart, because of it. A dark room created; I build my comfort zone and hide in it, trying to be normal that nothing happened and I never cared at all, because I’m afraid, in my inner most self are scared when things such hard to explain, tears just flow, like two trucks crashed. Every moment I hope for death to come. WORST and painful. I grew up with that scar. It start to haunt me when I was in my adolscent stage, I felt an entire world jump at me. For years I thought it was just a dream, a nightmare, but I’m wrong. That I seem to make my own different world within me, a big lie who I’m not just to be save. Crazy it seems, but its true. And it began to break down and I can no longer continue. I became helpless, depress, sad, and lost. But to continue to live, I’ve burst out and get angry with God and I let Him hear my cries. I met a friend, through her, I realize that even in the darkness someone will drag you out, then you’ll notice your walking in the light. I am truly saved. However, it didn’t end. My nightmares, my dark past continue to hunt me till I enter college and it got worst. I admit i’m also been a bad influence and been intimidate by the world I even used it as my excuse. Much more sufferings I encounter. I forgot the brighter side, even I grief upon the name of the Lord, I thought that moment He turned away. The worst nightmare ever! How will I find the exit if in my self I’m already hindering to find it? I seek, and still believe. I chase, try to find the answer I know it was there. It takes me a lot of time to be shakened up. One by one the answer pop out to my head. I conqured my fear and try to share it with my discipler. I can see to her face that she was shocked about what I’ve been through, she share with me some things for me to cope with those events in my life. I tried to release it. But the fight is still on going. While I was doing this I think I just only make it in here on the age of 20 to realize that theres a big world out there and I need to discover more. I wonder what will happen next? I just need to interrogate with it.