Moment Of Solidarity

This is a day in my life's life

3 a.m.

I take a step on today's morning, unwillingly wake up to the sound of the alarm clock. I grab my towel and went straight to the bathroom, feel the water for a bit, cold as usual forgot to heat it up. That's the start of a tiring day at work. Stupid! I lost my make-up kit hang for a moment knowing I'll be scolded without it. While sitting at the dining table I tried to jump start my brain, "please come alive", on the other hand my mom was trying to talk to me and I tried my best to listen. All about resigning and work from abroad. All I have to say is yes and few comments here and there. Excited I really am, hope that's the way for me to enjoy my life, seeing and stepping to a foreign land again. On the other side of it I'm just running, coward. From a far I hear rooster's crow, a music to play in my ears. I breathe a little air as I step down at the car. Hello bus stop! Few people in a rush, yet the sky still dark as it can be. I know as soon as I loose sight of the green field that pass by, it's goodbye tranquility and hello bedlam.

5- 5:45 a.m.

I hear the conductor calling out. I arrived early to my stop, my beautiful thoughts crash down--hard. I went up and see more people in a rush. The typical sight of today's streets no different as soon as time changes: men lining up their fake DVD goods; women pulling down the curtains that hid their dresses to sell; working men waiting for their next ride while hitting cigarettes for breakfast; working women do the same thing. Noise, shouting, calling your name for a ride. It always the same like yesterday. I've waited in the middle of the road not minding the taxis passing a few inch from me, time check I'm not late yet. I manage to survive all the way from the traffic heading towards the airport as soon I reached my destination, time for my daily exercise, walking. Just staring straight ahead, I can't think of anything, but blank, all black when I close my eyes it is still blank. When I suddenly realized I'm already insidee. The usual airport scenario; passenger running; foreigners with excited faces; people asleep and waiting; people with gadgets and laptop. The atmosphere inside the airport is far from what is happening in reality. Within the stonewalls, happy thoughts are present; smile and giggles are exchanged. Outside, futile hands dragging sacks of trash are the only scenes I see. 15 min before my shift. Everyone at my work almost saying the same thing "You're too early." Yet I greeted them all a nice good morning. Most of them tried to bite a news from me, most of them ask if I'm okay now, while other says I look like I never sleep. "WHY?" That word suddenly appear to my mind. I must been look so terrible. Time to start my day. Love the smell of a new challenge.

7:20 a.m.

One by one I serve and sell; I instruct and pity; I argue and win; I stop and rest. Now I write this part, I serve myself also for a good story. Today is more depressing than yesterday, I felt uneven feeling. I smile, but it seems emptier than ever. I said "my thoughts are compelled, vulnerable as I am." My colleague beside me ask me a few question maybe because my quietness is an unease feeling for her that it is almost sounds like a noise. I said only few words and then stared straight back to the screen. I gave a deep breathe that the phrase is a question to me. More over, living is what I'm trying to get over with. We humans are capable of feeling this, most of us just get the hang of it, others tried to forget that once they are humans and yet sacrifice that to feel. Silly, superficial moments where we could all pretend we're living in Wonderland. Whatever I'm trying to feel also. But, all of us are different. I still cherish the life I have even though living it is a difficult task. Time to leave it blank. More passengers come and buy, ask and leave.

11:30 a.m.

Hungry, I sit half of the day and I almost felt my energy lost. The sound of the air-condition and other people surrounds me with their tapping at the keyboard and ask same question every passenger to another elicits the reaction from my famished stomach. Its signals that once again, my tummy would be full of food that would get me through the rest of the exhausting day in work.

Away from the ambiance of the office and into the chaotic world of 4th floor is the place where I eat lunch. Waiting for other to finished theirs are a victory for me and my colleagues to sit next. I eat quietly as I observe the people around me. Hundreds of lips open and close in split second, thousand of eyes dart left and right, and millions of promises broken. It's sad to witness deprivation of all sorts in a place where I least expect it. But I guess what saddens me the most is the normality of it all.

***

I admit there's no peace in my mind and heart, no felicity goes within it. Chances are I'm scared to face what I'm afraid the most and the more I think of it the more pain I feel. I can't blame the life I tried to live on for 21 years; the more things I face the more I felt drowned.

Gone are the days when morning signal the start of a new hope. Today's mornings have become a signal for another day of hunger. Afternoons have become a day for feeding one's vices instead of living it purposely, Nights, from being time for rest, have become the time for evil to take form.

We are enveloped by negativity that we have let ourselves be consumed by the pessimistic world. But that tiny fact cannot be used as an excuse to let all these things happen. There is something we can do, I can do--there always is. It's up to me If I were going to let this little piec of heaven go nowhere.

But then again, isn't there always a light at the end of the tunnel?