Blogsode: 09.09.08
What is this that I feel inside? Confuse both heart and mind. I can say I am empty and like everything on me is scattered. I can feel the pain in every beat of my heart. I am frustrated and don't know what to do. I feel the want to cry but on what reason and basis? Am I really getting bored? Life... The life I have here in this world is a momentarily complicated to such crisis at times I can't bear and not even mine to take. I can't sleep, I always think a lot of stuff in my head; everyday it keeps pushing and pushing me. I am hurt, even I tried to hide it I can't lie that I really am bound by what happened last June 18, 2008. I would be happy if that case would be solve in just a snap. But, it doesn't! So I ask when it will end? I am transparent in the eyes of the Lord and He knows ahead of me. I am writing because I want to tell what I feel.
For my entire life some events I experience is not as worst like others. First great trial I have when I was a baby, Second is being in he hands of two entity doing their dark deeds. Third, jumping into different relationships. Fourth, my lies and mortal sins. Fifth, crawling under the sheets of Lust. Sixth, being pressure by my Christian faith/life. Seventh, I suffer from the pain of betrayal, left alone and busted by him. Eight, getting bored with my life. Ninth, I want to be save from all of it. I don't understand this me. I know Jesus bore my sin and death and I want to do my part without all of these stupidity in me. I'm struggling, I aim unto something but do I really have that strong faith? Do i or Am I having a complicated relationship with God? The reason why I treat life like this. I know I disobey Him a lot and I want to know that He is angry and want to discipline me from my mistakes. I want to feel his Love and care for me, everything!
Every time there's something to know or need to learn on a situation and event I shut myself up and get blank then I'll try to fake it and tell others that I learn something, but inside I'm not. I don't speak my mind that clearly so I'm having a hard time.
This is my greatest confession, my frustration and suffering. By the looks of it I am rotten inside, breaking bits by bits.
For my entire life some events I experience is not as worst like others. First great trial I have when I was a baby, Second is being in he hands of two entity doing their dark deeds. Third, jumping into different relationships. Fourth, my lies and mortal sins. Fifth, crawling under the sheets of Lust. Sixth, being pressure by my Christian faith/life. Seventh, I suffer from the pain of betrayal, left alone and busted by him. Eight, getting bored with my life. Ninth, I want to be save from all of it. I don't understand this me. I know Jesus bore my sin and death and I want to do my part without all of these stupidity in me. I'm struggling, I aim unto something but do I really have that strong faith? Do i or Am I having a complicated relationship with God? The reason why I treat life like this. I know I disobey Him a lot and I want to know that He is angry and want to discipline me from my mistakes. I want to feel his Love and care for me, everything!
Every time there's something to know or need to learn on a situation and event I shut myself up and get blank then I'll try to fake it and tell others that I learn something, but inside I'm not. I don't speak my mind that clearly so I'm having a hard time.
This is my greatest confession, my frustration and suffering. By the looks of it I am rotten inside, breaking bits by bits.
Dated back: September 09, 2008
Picture by: Melissa Blake @ If Only Blog
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