I'm A Complete Chaos

What are you going to do when outside you're okay, but inside you're a complete mess?

I have questioned all the things come in my way, then I just tell myself I'm a complete chaos. I am the creator of my own destruction. I believe nobody can break down the wall I built for myself, even me. I am desperate to escape, for freedom, to be far from things that hurts me, to things that no longer serve any purpose in my life. All I want is to take that jump, to reach what my heart always wanted for. But what is it? I am so frustrated.

Recently, I woke up feeling so drain and empty that I stayed in a couple of minutes to think what I've been doing with my life for 28 years. I'm just there at my bed, thinking all the regrets, the opportunities I missed, chances I didn't take, people I've hurt, things I've done to myself. And I was like WTF?! I know a lot of people will tell that don't dwell in the past, don't think of the failures, and blah blah blah. But seriously, sometimes I can't help and I've lost in the maze of my mind and life. At least I know where am I going after which kind a bit of ironic. I'm quite different on how I fix my life right, people might not understand and get annoyed how I complain that I didn't get anywhere for the last years, but sorry we have our own ways. It is just that I cannot stop being me and remember what happened to me. There are times you just pause and suddenly you have flash backs. Come on! Sometimes you wish that you wanted to go back to the past and change everything but just like Mario Run we can't go back and change things we only wish we can but we can't so we just have to continue running forward.

I know life is life and we have to face it no matter the circumstances and situation. It is inevitable. So whatever you and me going through in life it's okay that's the reason we have TV series, anime, video games, manga/comics, books, music to escape too. If you don't like human touch sometimes then there's an escape route for that. I mean sometimes friends can be cool too. I mean you don't want to play video games and board games alone, right? So just keep running.

Please do enjoy your time here in my blog site and recently I started in my youtube channel so I'm pretty new with it. I've recently posted my episode 3 in my channel which you can just click 👉👉 Ivy's Channel and you can watch it below 👇

Please keep supporting and hug out of the ordinary lives all ladies and gents out there.

Xoxo,
IVY