Blogsode: The Unfaithful Story Part 2

Hello again! Welcome to part two of my Special Blogsode: The Unfaithful Story. I hope you enjoyed reading the first part about my failed relationship. I’ve been thinking a lot about whether or not I should share this. It’s personal, but I keep thinking about other women who have gone through the exact same thing. It’s good for them to know they aren't the only ones experiencing this. Whether you're married or just in a relationship: CHEATING or ADULTERY is bad. We all know why divorce rates go up—people get depressed, some even commit suicide, and others do terrible things because of it. Yet, people often ignore just how damaging it really is.

In this post, I’ll share my own coping mechanisms and how I managed to pull myself together after the love of my life (or so I thought) cheated on me. No names have been disclosed out of respect for the other parties, even if they might not deserve it. Please remember this is just me sharing my story. Enjoy reading—and no bitterness

This was my ex and me back in June 2016. Just like any other couple, we made promises and hoped for a future together—until everything ended because of what he did.

They say we shouldn't bottle up negative feelings, or we'll eventually explode. There are many ways to move on from a harsh breakup and plenty of activities to keep you busy until you forget it ever happened. For me, writing this is one way to heal. For anyone else going through this, there are options, but the very first step is simple: Avoid the person who cheated on you!

The "moving on" process is the hardest part. I actually made a few Facebook Live videos about how I was coping at the time. Looking back at those videos now, I think to myself: I never want to see myself like that again—miserable and pathetic. NO! I don't want him to see me begging, asking him to stay, or pleading for another chance under the delusion that things might change. I don't want him to see me looking weak.

I actually regret some of the things I did to cope back then. I searched the internet for "How to move on from your ex" and "How to cope with heartbreak." The one thing every article had in common was: never stay in contact with your ex. But I didn't follow that advice. When I found out he was cheating in August 2016, I asked him if we could just stay together until I got back on my feet. To my surprise, he agreed—which meant he was now cheating on his fiancee with me. He had done this before, so I doubt he felt any guilt.

So yes, we stayed together until he went home on November 1st, acting like the cheating never happened. I'll be honest: I was in complete denial. Everything happened so fast, and in the blink of an eye, it was all gone. During August, September, and October of 2016, we were still together. We went on dates and dinners and did everything regular couples do. The only difference was that I was number two, never number one. I realized I was actually the mistress in his second relationship, all while thinking I was the only woman in his life.

Yes, I stayed with him even after we broke it off. I made a deal that he would stay with me until his contract finished, and he didn't say no. Keep in mind, he was already engaged at the time. (Sorry, Ms. M, but he agreed to it.)

In my previous post, I mentioned that he acted like nothing was wrong, as if he wasn't bothered by me finding out. He only thought I knew about his engagement video with the new girl. But there was much more to it; the truth revealed itself to me without me even having to search hard. God works in mysterious ways, and if you're smart and witty like me, you'll find out. You can always outsmart someone who tried to play you.

Ladies and gentlemen, cheating is never foolproof. There's always a loophole, and one way or another, the truth will prevail. They will get caught eventually. Leave it to KARMA and let her do the dirty work for you.

We often try to look for evidence of our partner's infidelity. It's up to us whether we want to go down that rabbit hole or just ignore it and move on with our lives, because digging often isn't worth the pain. In my case, I chose to look for answers—to prove that it was all a lie, even though I knew it would hurt me deeply. I chose that path. He needed to learn never to play games with people's feelings.

When I say I found out more than he realized... I really did. I kept asking myself: When did he meet her? How long has he been with her while being with me? Did she meet his family? Did she do this or that? And the ultimate question: DOES HE LOVE HER?

His answers were mostly denials and outright lies. To the question of whether he loved her, he’d say things like, "You can't love someone you just met," or "I can't say I love her." But on his Viber, even though I could only understand a few words, he messaged her every single day—even on my birthday—full of love and kisses. Painfully, he was sending her the exact same sweet quotes and pictures I used to send him. He loved her, that was for sure, but he kept lying because he couldn't say it to my face until recently. Poor girl!

And yes, they really are engaged. I know it might seem like I'm bitter writing this blog, but I'm not—it just feels good to get it off my chest. I'm "sorry, not sorry." I'm just amazed at how this man pulled it off, and I wonder: Did he ever feel bad lying to his fiancee about me? Will he ever tell her the truth? What if she finds out—will he just manipulate her with another lie?

So, how did I find out all these things? You're probably curious. There’s a saying: where there's a will, there's a way. The truth always comes to light in due time. I cried a river, but now I'm building a bridge to get over it.

I looked through his belongings and found things I never expected: tons of photos of other girls, including his exes. At the beginning of our relationship, I asked him to delete all photos of his exes. He said he would, and I thought he did, but he actually kept duplicate copies on his hard drive. He lied to me again. Remember that photo of his ex he swore he’d throw in the incinerator? A year later, I found that exact photo safe and sound in his bag. Liar, liar, pants on fire!

Moving on—I looked through his phone too, and I saw everything. There were no pictures of me left; he had either deleted them or moved them to a hard drive. Instead, I saw tons of photos of his new woman from the two months they spent together during his vacation. Meanwhile, he was still calling and texting me, giving me drama about how he was "going through a tough time." It was all absolute nonsense.

I also found explicit material, including a video of them together—taken without her knowledge or consent. He'll probably just use sweet words to manipulate her, claiming he "needed it for the ship" so he wouldn't have to look elsewhere. Sweetie, that's not how it works. If a man wants to cheat, he will find someone to satisfy his desires regardless. It doesn't matter if you're engaged or married; he will cheat over and over again. It's disturbing and sad. He needs help. At least now I know there was nothing wrong with me.

I was blinded by smooth words and good looks—a classic wolf in sheep's clothing. Before I knew it, I was eaten alive. He lies constantly, and I hope one day he stops and realizes that enough is enough.

After the big breakup, even more came to light. I discovered he was actually still with his ex-girlfriend during our entire first year together (since May 2015). They hadn't broken up until January 2016, even though he told me they broke up before he met me.

How did I find out? I won't disclose that, but the reality was that he was with me when he was on board, and with her when he was on vacation. Can you imagine the empty promises he was making to both of us without our knowledge? How can someone live like that? He probably thought we would never find out, but the truth always prevails.

The real reason he never added me on Facebook wasn't because I "posted too much" (which was total nonsense)—it was so I wouldn't find out he was still with her. Whenever we went shopping, he would buy items for his "sister" or "mom," but they were actually for his ex.

When we went to Singapore in September 2016, we visited a store called 68 that sold cute underwear. He asked me to help him pick out underwear for his sister. I asked him, "Are you sure this is for your sister?" He got furious because I called him out on it. Looking back, the underwear I picked out for his "sister" the previous year was definitely not appropriate for a sibling! My brother certainly wouldn't buy underwear for me. In reality, he wanted me to pick out underwear for his fiancee. DUDE! There was no need to lie when you knew I already figured it out. He got so mad that he didn't buy anything at all. In hindsight, it was actually pretty funny!

He never added me on Facebook because he didn't want me to see what he was doing. He kept promising he would, but a year passed and he never did. Shortly after we broke up—while we were still staying together—he blocked me completely because he changed his cover photo to a picture with his new girl. He never posted me because, to the outside world, I didn't exist; our relationship was just "for the ship." I wish he had just been honest about that instead of pretending.

We were together for a year, yet his friends back home had no idea who I was. Last Christmas, he even told his family that I was a "mistake"—just someone for the ship—and that we were never engaged. To know I was erased like that was deeply painful.

On the surface, he seems like a nice guy—always smiling and relaxed. He treated me well to my face, but he stabbed me in the back. What he did was terrible. I don't hate him, but I hate what he did. My feelings were real. I loved him the best way I knew how, and I was loyal, fair, and good to him. I had my minor setbacks—I'm not perfect—but what he did was lie every single day to me and to the other women in his life.

Is it really that hard to tell the truth? My advice to everyone: always tell your partner the truth. It will be painful, but doing the right thing is always better. If you don't love your partner anymore, tell them. If you're not happy, tell them. If you like someone else, tell them. It makes it much easier for both parties to move on and saves a lot of heartbreak. It hurts less, and there will be no regrets, sleepless nights, or paranoia. You won't have to constantly worry that your new partner will do the same to you. Karma might not get you right away, but it catches up eventually. Cheating isn't a mistake—it's a choice!

Why do cheaters live with constant paranoia and lack of trust in their partners? Because they're terrified the same thing will happen to them! When he was away, I knew he trusted me on some level, but he was always asking who I was talking to or accusing me of seeing someone else. I would never do that. It all made sense later: he was paranoid because he was cheating on his ex with me, cheating on me with his ex, and ultimately cheating on his fiancee with me. What a mess!

Science says "once a cheater, always a cheater." Cheating, or infidelity (or adultery, when marriage is involved), destroys trust.

He might be a decent person in some ways, but I realized I don't want to spend my life with someone who shares his body and heart with multiple women. I don't want a husband who continuously lies to me. I thank God I was saved from a future I would have regretted. When I look into his eyes now, I just feel sad and sorry for him.

As for where things stand now: I have forgiven him. That was the best thing I could do for myself. I found real peace and happiness once we separated. I don't hold a grudge; we just had to learn things the hard way. Infidelity seems to have become mainstream nowadays, almost like a sport, and the sacred value of commitment has been lost over the years. He wasted my time and effort when all I did was love and trust him, but it was a lesson learned.

So that's my story. I've learned that some people are narcissists and manipulators, so be careful who you date—especially if they have a history of dishonesty in previous relationships. Statistics show that people like that rarely change, because it's deeply ingrained in their character.

At the end of the day, people will do what they want. But despite everything, I truly wish them both happiness.

As for me today? I'm great, I'm happy, and I'm free. I know I deserve the best. Keep an open mind, everyone. Think before you act, and put yourself in other people's shoes before making choices that hurt others.

...To be continued!

Thank you for your continued support in reading my blog! I hope you enjoyed reading this post as much as I enjoyed writing it.


xoxo,

ivy