Blogsode: The Unfaithful Story Pt. 1
This is a story about how infidelity ruins a relationship and the profound effects it has on the person who goes through it. I want to clarify that I am not disclosing anyone's real name out of respect for all parties involved. However, at the end of the day, we all have the freedom to speak our truth. So many people go through this exact same situation, and I hope this blog helps readers realize that losing someone like this is not your loss—it's theirs. The silver lining for me is that I wasn't married to him, though my heart goes out to anyone who has experienced this in a marriage, whether you are a man or a woman.
This is my personal story of how I caught my ex-boyfriend cheating. Once I connected all the dots, everything finally made sense. I'm going to share what I did and how I managed to cope with the fallout. Finding out that the person you love and trust has betrayed you is never easy. I’ve been through a lot over the past few months, but here I am—so much stronger than I was four months ago—and finally brave enough to share what I went through.
Finding out your partner is unfaithful is devastating, and everyone processes it differently. I first noticed something was off when his attitude toward our future plans shifted. His usual enthusiastic responses—"We will do it... Of course... Yes, please!"—turned into distant answers like, "We'll see..." or "We'll talk about it later." That felt wrong, especially since we were planning a life together. Women have powerful intuition; I can guarantee that 90% of the time, your gut feeling is spot on. I already had a hunch, but I didn't have proof yet—or perhaps I was just in denial that he was fooling around behind my back.
I loved this man deeply and built my future around him. Everything felt great, and while we had our typical ups and downs, I was shattered to discover he cheated on me not just once, but twice (a second instance I wasn't even aware of at the time, which I’ll cover in Part 2). But the story goes even deeper. I eventually learned he had been cheating on me for the entire year we were together. Can you imagine that? It really proves the saying: ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER.
I managed to gather solid evidence of his infidelity while we were still together—proof of his betrayal with me and with his new fiancée.
To give a little backstory: my ex and I both worked on a passenger cruise ship. We met around May 2015 through random circumstances, hit it off immediately, and became a couple. Looking back, I was so naive to fall for someone like him, but love is hard to control and I had no idea what was in store for me. He claimed he was single and had broken up with his Croatian girlfriend before boarding the ship. I BELIEVED HIM.
Our relationship was amazing at first. He was fun, kind, and constantly reassured me that we belonged only to each other. Like so many guys do, he promised he would never cheat on me. Cheating on cruise ships is extremely common, but he insisted he could never do something like that because he wouldn't be able to live with the guilt of ruining our relationship. I TRUSTED EVERY WORD HE SAID.
The first time I went into his cabin, I noticed a photo of a woman and asked who she was. He claimed she was his sister. The resemblance wasn't there at all, but I tried to rationalize it, thinking maybe it was just a cultural norm to be that close. Later, I found more photos of them together in his cabin—only this time, they were kissing on the lips and posing in ways that went far beyond sibling affection. It clearly wasn't his sister, and he had lied to my face.
When I confronted him, he finally admitted the truth. I asked why he still kept her photos around if they were broken up (LIE #1). He talked his way out of it, took down the photos, and promised to throw them in the incinerator. Naive as I was, I forgave him, and we moved on.
Just a month later, in June 2015, he dropped another bombshell: his ex-girlfriend was pregnant. I didn't even have to ask how or when; if they were truly broken up before he boarded the ship, how could he have gotten her pregnant unless he was sleeping with her during his vacation right before meeting me? Or was he just making up an excuse to break things off with me?
I left him immediately, which seemed to devastate him. A few days later, he begged for me back. Because I had strong feelings for him, I gave in. He claimed he would handle things with his ex because he wasn't even sure if the baby was his (LIE #2). I later found out she was never pregnant at all, nor did she have a miscarriage—he fabricated the entire story! Looking back now, I feel disgusted that I believed him. We reconciled, he claimed he chose me over her, and everything seemed peaceful again. But deep down, I always felt something was wrong.
In December 2015, I received a message from an anonymous source stating that my ex was still actively with his previous girlfriend. The person sent photos, emails, and chat conversations with clear dates as proof. He was home on vacation at the time, so I messaged him with everything I received.
He denied all of it and claimed the person sending those messages was crazy. Plot twist: the "anonymous source" was actually his ex-girlfriend herself! Even with all the proof she sent, I didn't believe her because he successfully talked me out of it. He made countless excuses, insisting she was just making things up and that the photos were old. Once again, I BELIEVED AND TRUSTED HIM when he said they were over (LIE #3). It was a rocky road from then on, and despite the growing doubt in my mind, I tried as hard as I could to trust him. He showered me with sweet words and grand promises, and I fell for it every time, torn over who or what to believe.
Working on a cruise ship makes relationships a rollercoaster ride. My contract was longer than his, so he went on vacation ahead of me—and that's when things went completely off the rails.
Now for the real turning point: August 19, 2016 was the day I discovered my ex got engaged WHILE WE WERE STILL TOGETHER!
I would have never known if I hadn't gone through his belongings and stumbled upon his GoPro. I was sitting on his cabin floor, watching footage of him proposing to another woman as if I didn't even exist. I didn't cry at first; I was shaking, my heart breaking in complete silence. Just months earlier, on December 5, 2015, he had asked for my hand in marriage! It was all just one BIG, FAT LIE.
He had been living a double life with this other woman during his two-month vacation—and likely long before that. I was originally supposed to visit his home country and spend that vacation with him between June and July 2016, but he kept making up excuses about "paperwork issues" to prevent me from coming. It's painful to remember driving to agencies to sort out travel documents while he was actively building a life with someone else.
During my grieving process, I felt so pathetic for wasting my love and effort on him. He rarely called, texted, or video-chatted with me during his break, claiming he was "too busy working on stuff back home." I blamed myself at the time, feeling like I was being too clingy for calling him constantly when he wouldn't respond. Now I know the truth: HE WAS BUSY WITH ANOTHER WOMAN. All his excuses, all his "I miss yous" and "I love yous," were completely hollow.
A friend once joked that he's such a convincing actor he could steal Leonardo DiCaprio's Oscar for Best Actor. Round of applause for this man! He shattered my heart into a million pieces, breaking my trust in the person I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. But looking back, I thank God I was saved from future misery.
After watching the proposal video, I walked up to him and calmly asked, "Are you engaged?"
He actually smiled and denied it! He lied about the engagement and lied about the woman right to my face, even telling me I was crazy. I told him to cut the act because I had already watched the video on his GoPro. Only then did he admit the truth.
I broke down in tears. It was excruciatingly painful, and part of me wanted to punch him in the face for playing with my feelings. For days after, I cried my eyes out while all he could say was, "SORRY, I FUCKED IT ALL UP." (According to my sources, that’s his favorite catchphrase.) I didn't accept his apology because cheating is never a mistake—it is a conscious CHOICE.
I officially ended our relationship—if you can even call what we had a relationship. I felt like choking myself for ever trusting a liar and wasting my heart, time, and energy on someone who never loved me. But when you love someone, your only mistake is loving too much.
I requested to terminate our couple status on the ship and asked for a transfer, but my request was rejected. Being stuck in the same working environment with him every single day was agonizing. To make matters worse, he would talk badly about his new fiancée to me, saying things like: "She parties too much," "She's too young," "She's stubborn," "I'm not sure if she's the one," or "I don't know if we'll actually get married."
I recorded those conversations. It was surreal seeing him repeat the exact same patterns with her that he used with me. Every day, I watched his lies grow bigger while he maintained a calm, smiling face like nothing was wrong. I realized he was manipulating his fiancée the exact same way. I almost felt sorry for him, wondering if he ever felt a shred of guilt or shame for building a life on endless lies.
There is still so much more to this story, so stay tuned for Part 2 of my Unfaithful Story in the next post!
...to be continued!
Thank you all for the love and support!
xoxo,
Ivy
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